I'm losing you

Chapter nine - lonely

I was walking down the street, hands in my pockets, buried deep in my summer jacket. It was snowing lightly, and the cold winter weather was becoming more bearable. Light flakes swirled around me, melting before they even hit the ground. It was -3 °C and I was freezing.

Outside was dark, despite the street lights being on. The trees were bare, gardens gray, and the streets deserted. No one walked past me, the lights in almost all the houses were off.

It felt peaceful, so alone, in the darkness, a normal evening walk without being stared at with disdainful looks by children, adults, and the elderly, without a dog barking at me or a cat hissing at me.

A bird flew right above my head and swooped into the adjacent forest.

I smiled.

There were still good moments in life, quiet, momentarily carefree moments. I didn't think about anything, all my problems were gone. I only thought about the good things I still had.

They all passed before me: grandma, my dog Lexi, Noah... But they were also the only three things I loved.

I saw them one by one, taking them in.

Grandma, wrinkled smile, cheerful eyes, sweet, calm voice, creative, smart, funny... And lonely, just like me.

Lexi, a cross between a shepherd and a golden retriever, her brown, fluffy coat shining in the sun. Sweet dark puppy eyes that stared at me constantly, yet she was almost sixteen.

And Noah Stevens, my only ray of light at school. With his blond hair and bright blue eyes, he was the epitome of handsome.

I now realize that I only have two people behind me who can and will support me when needed.

If they weren't there, I would have no one to fall back on...

I turned onto the path to the park, which looked magical so late at night.

A beige path, scattered with small stones, sand, and twigs, ran through the moonlit grass and stretched far ahead. A fence surrounded the park, reminiscent of fairy tales. The path gracefully wound through the park, making its way between the trees and rose bushes.

In the center of the park stood a large fountain made of fake marble. Water gushed out of it day and night, even now. Every time a splash touched the water's surface, ripples formed around it. By the moon, no longer hiding behind the clouds, the park looked even more beautiful; ghostly shadows around the trees, the orange-yellow light of the street lamps, and of course the moon itself, floating royally in the clean water of the fountain.

Random ponds were scattered throughout the park, containing the same water as the fountain: transparent, clean, clear, and magical.

It gave me inner peace, freedom without having words for it.

In the distance, I saw a bench, in the shadows, dark and gloomy. A few meters away stood the exact same bench, only in the moonlight. The first bench described exactly how I always felt: gloomy, failed, and lifeless. The other bench was the opposite of who I was: light, cheerful, and calm.

So I sat on the bench illuminated by the bright moonlight.

It was a wooden bench, dark green painted, with rusty screws holding the wooden planks together. It was quite ugly and desperately needed a paint job, but it still made me happy, I don't know why. So in the middle of the park, a kind of spotlight that fired moonlight at me...

In a trance, I stared at the glistening drops falling down. I started counting them because it calmed me. I got to 20 and soon I couldn't anymore and realized how tired I was. I actually wanted to go home, but I didn't feel like dealing with the crap that awaited me. So I stayed seated. Started counting again.

My thoughts drifted to how my parents would react when I got home. Angry. Screaming. Cursing.But well, I was here now, not in the middle of a tired conversation about coming home late.

HUMAN, it's half past 10! I'm 17, remember?! I'm not a kid anymore! Well... I don't really have a life, so yeahhh.

A few meters away, someone was walking towards me. As he got closer, the more grumpy he looked. It must be because of me, that's my vibe, my parents had said a few weeks ago. I replied,

"How do you think that happens?". I swear, my dad almost hit me, but he held back.The man stopped, I didn't know him, and he gave me the most suspicious look ever measured and rolled his eyes.

Slowly, he walked around me in a big arc, as if I had a knife on me and would not hesitate to stab myself in front of his eyes.

When he was three meters behind me, he ran away.

Do I really have such a bad influence?

I felt alone. More alone than ever. If only I had sat on the bench that was in the shade, maybe he would have seen me...

I sat for a few more minutes, drowning in self-pity, until I stood up and briskly walked home, ready to face nightmare 283#.