help me nick and charlie

chapter 12

Nick's Pov:

It's six in the morning, I'm very tired, but I can't sleep. At 4 o'clock tonight, Charlie had trouble breathing. I got so scared that now I can't sleep anymore. I keep thinking what if I think what if I lose him? Bad thoughts have been taking over my head for almost a month now.

They later told me that the breathing problems were due to the respirator itself. Since he became able to breath on his own, a big step forward, they took it away.

Now he's sleeping and he looks so peaceful. His hair falls on his forehead and I dare not move it so as not to wake him. My hand still holds his tight. Just contact makes me feel good, who knows if this is one of the many meanings of love.

***

I just called the guys, I just hope they don't come here but go to school. Char is still sleeping. It's 6:45 am and I had a coffee to drink in the room. I'm completely destroyed, physically,psychologically and emotionally. I just wish this all ended as soon as possible... I don't even wish it had started.

We've been together so recently and this has already happened... I'm not even able to protect the person I love. How do I make him feel safe if this is what happens when he is with me?

I watch him while he sleeps blissfully, the only moment in which he manages to escape from reality.

His closed eyes, whose lids squeeze every now and then as he dreams, his mouth half-open and his belly slowly going up and down, a sign that his breathing is regular.

The blanket reaches up to his chest, but it's bruised underneath. How can a person feel so much anger and hurt someone whose fault it was to love?

I've never known anyone like Char. He is simply wonderful. I love everything about him, his eyes full of a light that instill happiness and security, his little hands when they gently intertwined mine, definitely bigger, his soft hair, even when it's all disheveled in the morning, his height who next to me makes him look so small and sweet, his smile lights up even the darkest room. The thing I love most of all is his laugh. You know that laugh you would like to hear over and over? If you don't know him,well listen to him and you'll fall in love with him instantly.

I remember one day, when we were 16, we were in the garden of an abandoned house, near my house. We used to go there usually, it was a bit like our secret place. We were talking when suddenly we heard noises coming not far from us. Back then it was just the two of us. He wasn't with Ben yet. We got closer to get a better look and we saw a bird that had a cut on its wing and therefore couldn't fly. Charlie took it in his hands and healed the wound with what he had. He wet it with very little water and dried it with a tissue. He took some leaves and built a kind of bed. The bird stayed there for four days and char went to check on it three times a day. On the last day we went there together, to check on him, and we saw that it was gone. I looked over at Charlie thinking he was upset, but no, he was happy. He looked at me and said: " See, if you take care of someone, person or animal, he will pull off the flight, metaphorically speaking but also literally, like Toby" (name given to the bird by char). I think that in the years he was with Ben, his wings were trampled and cut off, thus preventing him from being free to live his life, without the constant fear that something might happen to him.

I have no idea why I told you this episode of our life. Maybe I miss him so much that now I begin to remember all the moments spent together.

It's now 7:15 am and Charlie is still sleeping. I'm sitting in the chair next to his bed and holding his hand. I'm exhausted but I don't want to fall asleep, I'm afraid of losing him in my sleep. After perhaps almost an hour, I feel his hand grip mine, I raise my quickly and see his eye fixed on me.

"Char! How do you feel? I call the doctor" I call the doctor who is monitoring Char and in a split second she is already in the room.

"So Charlie, how do you feel?"

" My head hurts" he says in a faint voice.

" it's normal, the blow you took and the wound cause the pain, in a maximum of three days, with medicines and rest, it will disappear, in the meantime if the pain is very strong we will give you painkillers"

"Okay thank you"

'Do you remember what happened? Do you know who this boy is?" a beautiful smile makes room on his face. God, how I had missed it.

"He is Nick, my boyfriend, my everything" the doctor smiles looking at me, my eyes filled with tears.

"And do you remember what happened?"

"I wish I could forget..." a sad expression returns to his face.

At those last words, tears begin to fall down his cheeks and it's the same for me. The doctor goes out leaving us alone. Dry the tears I approach him and with my thumb I lift all the tears from under his eyes, he smiles and reciprocates.

"Love, listen to me," I nod. "All of this is not your fault. Got it?"

"Got it... it's just that i'm sorry I couldn't protect you"

"Nick, haven't you figured it out yet?"

"what?"

"I only feel loved and safe when I'm with you. You are a bit like my home, that place where you somehow feel protected from everything and everyone"

He takes my hand and brings me closer to him, slowly approaches my face and then makes our lips match perfectly.

Charlie's pov:

I slowly approach his face, struggling a little bit because the pain is still a lot. The moment our lips come together in a kiss full of love, the pain suddenly disappears. Nick keeps his hands on my cheeks and takes just a second to catch his breath. Our lips follow a dance of their own. We detach ourselves when a doctor enters to speak to us; I don't remember talking to her until now.

"Sorry for the interruption, Charlie, you'll be able to leave the hospital by 3pm. Other checks will follow in the meantime. We will leave you some medicines that you will have to take for the head and for the pain in the abdomen"

"Could there be specific episodes in the future that we need to worry about?" Nick asks.

"Hasn't the doctor told you about it yet?"

"No," I replied.

"Okay then I'll tell you. There may be episodes: breathing difficulties if you are under exertion, very similar to asthma, at first dizziness and you won't eat due to abdominal pain, but the latter case will only occur most in the first seven days"

"Okay thanks a lot" Nick says.

"Thank you, really," I added, smiling.

It is 3:30pm and I've just been released from the hospital and we are waitting for the taxi.

We arrived at my house and set things right. Tucked under the covers Nick falls asleep immediately cuddled by me. He slept less than three house a night exhausted!

I've missed all of this.

Hope you all like this chapter sorry it took so long to come out