In My Blood

Chapter 4

Addison Montgomery's Point of View

Current Time- December 2010

Mark takes a sip of his coffee, and I of mine, savoring the warmth that it brings. The soft morning sounds fill the silence between us – the gentle puttering of the coffee pot, the twittering of birds outside the window that Mark has cracked open, the fresh winter air, and the faint rustle of the wind. His gaze rests on me, as if searching to for signs of the internal battle I am facing. Instead he finds nothing, my expression steady as I check my phone and text Meredith back. She was asking if I'm sure, really sure I want to take Willow for today. I tell her that I am.

"Are you going to be okay with Willow today?" Mark asks, his voice gentle, but there is a hint of concern behind his eyes.

"God, not you too." I murmur. "I will be okay." I reassure him, a bit too quickly. "I'm fine, Mark." I add more firmly, trying to convince myself as much as him. "I made a promise to Derek and Meredith, and I intend to keep it." I pop my medication into my mouth with a long drink of coffee, and slowly eat half a piece of toast with a touch of jam. Mark raises an eyebrow at my sudden compliance with breakfast, but remains silent.

"Are you absolutely certain?" He presses, his voice tinged with worry. I can feel my frustration beginning to boil over. Why did they ask me to do this, if they're going to sit there and worry themselves to death over it?

"It sounds like you don't want me to do this." I remark.

"That's not it." He says, his tone a little softer now. "I'm worried about you. A week ago you were practically comatose. You could barely lift your head from the pillow and now you're suddenly ready to take on the world for Meredith's sake? Something isn't adding up."

"I want to help them, Mark. Isn't that a good thing?" I challenge, trying to make him understand that I am not as fragile as he thinks I am. He doesn't buy it though. Everything has been a challenge since Heavenly's death. He's not wrong. "I thought you wanted me up and doing things."

"Of course it's a good thing, and I'm glad to see you up and about, even if part of it might be a façade." He smiles at me, though sadly.

"Who says it's a façade?" I ask.

"I know you too well, Addie. You don't make sudden changes. You evolve slowly, and purposefully. In the end the result is something beautiful."

"Fake it til you make it." I respond, with a hint of a smile, trying to keep the conversation light, and away from the darkness that I have found myself in since Heavenly's death.

"I just want you to remember that you don't have to do it all at once. Take your time with Willow, and take care of yourself too. It's not going to be easy. She's not the same little girl we knew, trauma and grief have changed her."

"I will." I promise him, letting his concern wash over me. "I'm not rushing into this. I've had a week to think about it. I'm just trying to be there for them, they need me."

"I think this is going to be a good thing." Mark says, nodding. His expression eases, but the worry doesn't entirely leave his eyes. "Mary will be here, but if you need anything this afternoon I can come home, my schedule for today is cleared, as long as there are no emergencies."

"Thanks." I reply, feeling a warmth spreading through me at his support, even though it was him who 'pushed' me into helping Meredith and Derek. How could I have said no to them or to Willow? I think Mark knew that I wouldn't have been able to refuse.

"Yeah." He replies. "Of course." He finishes his coffee and refills his cup. "I spoke to Amelia at work last night."

"Oh?"