In My Blood

Chapter 9

Addison Montgomery's Point of View

5 Weeks Later

"I pushed her too hard, I should have never tried to force her into keeping the baby." Mark murmurs, pacing back and forth in the small hospital room. I hear them talking around me, the sound distant and muffled as I slowly wake up, groggy in the ice-cold hospital room. My eyes struggle to focus, but I can make out Mark's form on the chair next to the bed. He is slouched forward, his head resting in his hands. Even in my haze, I can tell that he is crying. I try to reach out to him, to let him know I'm here, but I'm still too heavy, too tired. They don't know I'm awake.

"We are all to blame. We should have been there for her, tried harder." Amelia points out.

"What if she doesn't wake up?" Mark challenges her.

"I don't know."

"This is her second major surgery in six months." He asserts.

"Mark, Addison is strong. She is going to get through this. I know she will." Meredith says calmly.

"Why did I let her talk me into surgery? It was too risky. She knew the risks. She knew that she was likely to have severe complications. She knew she would possibly die. She wanted to die. How could I have been so stupid?" He asks Meredith and Amelia, his voice rising.

"I don't think she wanted to die." Amelia says carefully. "She was just lost after Heavenly's death, Mark." Leave it to Amelia to always see the best in me. My heart aches hearing her say this. She's my little sister. I'm supposed to be the strong one.

"You're not stupid. You have to believe in her Mark. Addison felt this was the best course of action to save both her and the baby. If Addison says it was the right choice, it was the right choice."

"It nearly killed her." He murmurs.

"But it didn't. She knew the risks, and she was right."

"Oakley was dying, Mark. Addison was bleeding to death trying to keep her inside. You did what you had to do to give them both a chance. She wouldn't have brought this plan forth if there wasn't a chance." Meredith responds firmly.

"A fat lot of good that did. Look at her." Mark says, gesturing towards me lying on the hospital bed, hooked up to many different machines that have kept me alive.

"She was able to come off ventilation. She's breathing on her own. It's a waiting game, Mark. She will wake up. We just have to give her time." Someone, I think it is Amelia reminds him. Her voice is different, it sounds like she has been crying.

They continue the conversation for what feels like forever. I try to suppress the panic filling me, 'off ventilation'. I can't properly communicate because I was likely heavily sedated, not because there is a larger issue at hand here.

"Addison?" He asks, after a while, looking from me to the machines. My states must have changed. I blink my eyes several times t him, but I am too exhausted. The medication pulls me under again, back into that deep sleep. When I open my eyes again, the room is dark. He is still beside me, holding my hand. I can see him clearly. His eyes are red and swollen. His face moist.

"Hey." I say, my voice a hoarse whisper from the breathing tube they had removed when it was determined I was breathing on my own. "What happened?" I ask, almost afraid to know the answer. "Is she okay?"

"You're okay." Mark says, his tone careful, deliberate. "The baby is fine, she's healthy and growing. They've done so many ultrasounds. She looks just like you, Addison." He trails off. My vision starts to clear further, and I see Amelia watching, silently as relieved tars fall down her cheeks.