In My Blood

Chapter 8

Addison's Point Of View

"How are you doing?" Amelia asks, quietly coming into the hospital's room the next morning. She has a get well soon balloon tied around a vase of flowers. She sits them on the table near the window, without really giving me a chance to admire them. "I came by earlier, but you were sleeping. Meredith told me you had a hard night."

"It wasn't great." I agree. I stretch, exhausted. "I need Mark." I say, and then look over to the monitors, biting my bottom lip to stop it trembling. "They almost had to deliver her earlier." I say, but now my voice is trembling. This is a disaster of my own making. The doctor has said it has nothing to do with what I did. It's simply a severe kidney infection, but I still blame myself.

"I'm sorry, Addison. We still haven't located him."

"Do we need to put out a missing person's report?" I ask her. "Nobody can find him? Did someone tell him what happened this morning?"

"Several members of your care team has left messages. I have as well. He's ignoring calls from everyone on your medical team, and even the hospital's phone number." She says, with a little annoyed huff at the thought.

"What should I do?" I ask her, my voice faltering.

"You could try to call him." She suggests.

"Don't you think I've already tried that? He's screening my calls as well. This is bullshit. He wanted this baby. He wanted me to carry her to term, now I'm having complications and he has abandoned me." I say, fighting back tears.

"He hasn't abandoned you." She clarifies. "He's just upset, Addison. What you did was..." She makes a face, like she's not sure how to proceed. "What he is asking of you is wrong. What he did was wrong." She says, coming round to my side. "I'm sure he'll come around. He probably turned his phone off while he collects his thoughts." She fidgets with her bracelet for a moment before asking "What were you thinking, Addison?" Her voice carries a mixture of concern and exasperation as she comforts me. The hospital lighting casts an eerie glow over her. I sigh heavily, my shoulders slumping.

"I know, I know it was impulsive, stupid, but Amelia... I feel like I'm drowning." My voice cracks with emotion as I struggle even harder to hold back the tears. Amelia reaches out, placing a comforting hand on my arm.

"Hey, it's okay. You're not alone. You never have to feel like you're drowning. You have me, and you have Meredith. We love you."

"I just couldn't help myself. Everything felt so overwhelming, and I needed it to stop. Every time she kicks it hurts Amelia. It reminds me of Heavenly, and how empty I am since she's passed away. I realize now that I've only made things worse."

"This could have happened to anyone, Addison. What you did is likely unrelated. You are not alone. We'll figure this out together. Whatever it is, we'll face it head- on. You'll get through the next few months until the baby is born. You don't have to carry this burden alone."

"I just...I don't want to be a mother, Amelia. Are you angry with what I've done? I know how much you loved Heavenly. What an amazing Aunt you were to her."

"Given everything you've been through?" She asks quietly. "No. I don't blame you Addison. If I were me, this soon...I'd be losing my mind." She admits. "I'm so sorry, Addison."

"Me too. How did you even know what happened?" I ask her quietly.

"Meredith told me." Amelia admits quietly. "She didn't want to, but I forced her to." She adds quietly. "And then I read your medical record. I was just worried about you. You have a rough time last night, and then this morning... you know you could have reached out to me, or to Meredith to anyone really. There are safer ways you could have done this."