Love Like a Sunset Part I

2006

2006

After ten years of marriage, Cole and I have decided to go our separate ways. It wasn't an easy decision, and it's certainly not one I made lightly. I love my husband dearly, and I know deep down that he loves me too.

When we first got married, I was so sure that we would be together forever. We had built a beautiful life together - a home, a family, a future.

I took my vows seriously and I truly believed in the idea of "for better or for worse." Even when things got tough, I was determined to work through it all.

But over time, the cracks in our relationship began to show. The communication issues that had always been there seemed to grow worse and worse.

Cole and I just couldn't seem to see eye to eye anymore. He likes to fight, he says, while I prefer to talk things through calmly and find a resolution.

When he gets upset, it's like a switch flips and he becomes this completely different person - harsh, uncompromising, hurtful, even.

And I just can't handle that kind of volatile energy, especially not around our children.

The final straw came at a charity event we attended recently. The whole night, Cole just seemed irritated and on edge. He was snippy with me, making little snide comments under his breath.

I could tell something was bothering him, but no matter how I tried to engage him and get to the root of the issue, he just shut down.

And then, on the drive home, things escalated to the point where he was livid, screaming at me that he didn't even want me to come in the first place.

I was so shocked and hurt - how could he say that, after we'd made plans together? I asked him to get out of the car and told him he couldn't come back home.

That was the moment I knew I couldn't continue like this.

You see, I had also begun to suspect that Cole was involved in an inappropriate relationship with another woman. I had seen some concerning text messages between him and one of his exes, and the way he was behaving at the charity event only heightened my suspicions.

I confronted him about it, but he denied everything and turned it around on me, accusing me of being paranoid and untrusting.

That lack of openness and honesty, that unwillingness to address the real issues in our marriage, was just too much for me to bear.

Looking back, I realize now that there were probably some fundamental incompatibilities between Cole and me that we never fully addressed.

We fell so deeply in love so quickly - we were practically inseparable from the moment we met. I probably would have married him in 30 days if we'd let ourselves, that's how strong the feeling was.

But we wanted to be responsible and make sure it wasn't just an infatuation, so we waited six months before tying the knot.

In hindsight, I wonder if we should have taken even more time to get to know each other and work through some of our differences before committing.

Because the truth is, Cole and I are just very different people in a lot of ways. I'm all about open communication, finding mutual understanding, and avoiding conflict if at all possible.

He, on the other hand, thrives on confrontation and has no problem letting his emotions boil over.

And while we were able to make it work for a while, over time those fundamental differences became too much to overcome.

The fighting just got nastier and nastier, and I knew I couldn't subject our children to that kind of toxic environment anymore.

It's been so hard, watching our marriage crumble like this. After ten years together, we've become practically strangers.

The man I fell so deeply in love with all those years ago now feels like a distant memory.

And the thought of not having him in my life, of our children not having their father around, is heartbreaking.

I miss the way things used to be between us when we were so in sync and love. I long for that deep, trusting friendship and unbreakable bond we once shared.

But I also know that I have to protect myself and my kids. The fighting had become so ugly, so venomous, that I just couldn't do it anymore.

I couldn't keep subjecting myself and our children to that level of toxicity and dysfunction. So I made the difficult decision to end our marriage, for our own wellbeing.

Now, I consider myself a single mom. The divorce was finalized at the end of last year, and Cole's involvement in our children's lives has been sporadic at best.

He just hasn't made much of an effort to see them or be an active co-parent. It's up to him to reach out and make that connection, and so far, it just hasn't happened very often.

I know that must be painful for the kids, but I also can't force him to be a present father if he's not willing to put in the work.

In a way, I feel like I'm starting over. The last ten years of my life have been so wrapped up in this marriage, in this family that I thought would last forever.

And now, I'm having to redefine myself and figure out who I am outside of being a wife and a mom. It's scary, but also kind of exhilarating. I'm excited for this new chapter, for the opportunity to focus on myself and my children and build the life I want.

Of course, there are moments when the loneliness creeps in. I've heard all the love stories, all the fairy tales, and for so long I thought I'd found that kind of love. But after a while, you start to lose hope.

You start to wonder if maybe you're just not meant for that kind of deep, enduring connection.

I married Cole because I truly believed he was the one, the person who would steal my heart and be my best friend forever. And now, that dream has been shattered.

But I'm not giving up. I know that I am strong and resilient, and capable of finding happiness and fulfillment on my own. And I'm determined to be the best mom I can be for my kids.

They are my world, my everything, and I will do whatever it takes to give them the stable, loving home they deserve. Even if it means navigating the uncharted waters of single parenthood.

It won't be easy, I know that. Rebuilding my life from the ground up, learning to be independent again, dealing with the grief and the loneliness - it's all going to be a challenge.

But I'm ready for it. I'm ready to embrace this new chapter, to focus on myself and my children, and to find joy and purpose in the life that lies ahead.

Because at the end of the day, I know that I did everything I could to save my marriage. I fought for it, I believed in it, and I gave it my all.

And now, it's time to move forward, to create a new normal and a new happily ever after.