Avengers: A New Age

1

BUCKY

I quietly shut the door, the breeze blowing through my hair as I close my eyes. I breathe in the crisp morning air as a last goodbye to Louisiana. I knew that I was finally reaching peace, yet I still felt as if I had to prove that I wasn't the killer I once was, to Steve, to Sam, to the Avengers, to the whole world. My therapist tells me to think about the good I have done instead of the bad but the good is nothing compared to all the bad. Logically I know that it wasn't me, that I didn't have the true intention of evil but that doesn't change what I had done as the Winter soldier. I have always wondered if I could have fought it harder, made different decisions, and changed one little thing. My therapist calls that 'being afflicted by the not-knowing and addicted to the if-only' which is not good so I should instead focus on the things I can fight now, the decisions I make right now, and the little things I can change right now.

That thinking has helped me at least a little bit, I can do a little bit of good everywhere I can to help make up for all the sadness and pain I caused. The little bit of good I am doing right now is why I am leaving one of the only places I know peace. I broke the news to Sam and his family at dinner last night- that I was going to New York for god knows how long on a mission for Fury. Everyone seemed sad but it was inevitable, I had to eventually find my own life and stop intruding on his family.

I never have found good-byes easy so even though I promised to wait for the boys to wake up before I left I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye, not even a see you later because then I might have broken in and stayed here.

I walk to the nearest bus stop carrying the duffle bag that I borrowed from Sam across my shoulder and feel a pang of betrayal in my chest when I see a text from Steve on my phone. It's not as if I wasn't happy for him because I was- it is just hard not to feel betrayed when my closest friend essentially my only family abandoned me for some girl.

Steve: Hey buck, Nick told me and Peggy about your mission maybe I can stop by the tower one day

Me: Nick now is it?

Steve: I can call him by his first name since I now look the part of his elder

Me: and yes I would like it if you stopped by

I turn off my phone before I can see his reply, board the bus, and take a seat in the back. I am wearing a baseball hat and sunglasses with a hoodie so I don't think anyone will recognize me but I still slouch down in my seat a little doing my best to hide my face. It was weird being known, I could no longer walk out in public without an array of reactions, some people would whisper to their friends 'look! It is Captain America's best friend!' while others would scream 'Murderer!' or 'Killer!' although the latter has died down a tiny bit after everything that happened with Sam.

The bus driver made the announcement- 'Final stop New York City' as I looked out the window at the peaceful scenery. After a quick 20 hours I would be in New York where the scenery is anything but peaceful with lots of colors, lights, and people everywhere you look. It is unsettling when I grew up in 1940s Brooklyn, there were no huge neon signs or loud music playing from different sources.

Just as the bus started moving my phone began buzzing loudly with a call from 'No Caller ID' which could only mean it was Nick Fury, I fumble with my phone and decline it quickly wincing as I start to draw attention,
sorry Fury but you are going to have to wait.

I turn my phone to silent knowing that another call will be coming soon, as if on cue my phone lights up with a message from 'Unknown'.

Unknown: You better not be ghosting me, Barnes.

I know I will face the consequences later for not replying to that but I got distracted when a text came through from Sam,
shit, he is going to be mad.