Life in Pink (BoyXBoy)

Chapter Eight

~Rosie*~

Well, it happened. It finally happened. My worst nightmare. Within the two seconds that it took to change a song, my life imploded. Jason knows how I feel about him now and it's all thanks to that stupid skank, Ivy. Well, I guess that solves the mystery of why she never liked me. She thought that I was stealing her man.

The whole night was honestly kind of a blur. I remember getting ready with Star, getting to the party, and being so nervous to see Jason because I had spent the few days since I had seen him crying my eyes out in my room. I remember the pep talk that Star gave me in the car, the ice pack that she gave me to de-puff my eyes, and that even though my heart was breaking in my chest, I pulled myself together, and made my appearance, with my 'girlfriend' on my arm. Then, I remember Ivy's drunken, slurring voice echoing in the silence, my deepest, darkest secret, or so I thought, flung carelessly into the wind. The crushing feeling of everybody's eyes suddenly on me, the look on Jason's face... that's something that I don't think I'll ever forget.

And that was when everything slowed down. The room started to spin, and everything was suddenly so quiet, yet so loud. I could physically feel my heart pounding, hear the blood roaring in my ears. My mouth felt dry, and my throat got tight, and my body acted on impulse and I just... ran. I ran and it felt like I was moving through Jello. Everything happened so fast, but for me, the seconds passed in agonizing hours, and it was like I could see my life crumbling down before my eyes. The embarrassment. The shame. And when Jason chased me down... I felt like I was going to die.

I didn't want to hear anything that he had to say, I didn't want to look him in the face. I couldn't. I should have denied everything that Ivy said in that moment, right then and there, but I couldn't. I couldn't find the words to explain, to lie, to laugh, to say something, anything, that would have saved my skin. Instead, I froze. Then I ran. I'll admit... that probably was not my best move. By acting the way that I did, I was basically confirming everything she said.

I just don't see how Jason and I can recover from this.

All that I've ever wanted was to stay by his side. He didn't have to know how I felt, he didn't have to accept or reject my feelings, I just wanted to be a part of his life. Now that the cat's out of the bag, or...the guy's out of the closet, I guess, there's just no way that any of that can happen. Everything is ruined.

It's been almost three days since that night. Since I was outed and everything in my life was turned upside down. Luckily, there are no classes this week, so, I've decided to just hole myself up in my room. Jason has come by, a few times, actually, but that was to be expected. He wanted to talk. I didn't.

When did I get like this? So pessimistic and sad. Had I always been so bitter? I wish that I could listen to Jason and believe in him when he said that talking things out could lead to something great, but I just can't. My mind instantly goes to everything that could go wrong. Even if we did start dating, what if he ends up regretting that decision? What if this is something that he only thinks that he wants right now and if I were to give in to it, one day, he tells me that he made the wrong choice? I don't think that I could handle that.

"Nicky!" Star's musical voice called up the stairs, shaking me out my trance. I furrowed my brows as my bedroom door was thrown open and in rushed Star. I winced as she flicked on the overhead light, greeting me with a giant smile. I curled my lip.

"What're you doing here?"

"Are you kidding me? What kind of fake girlfriend would I be if I didn't come see you on your birthday?" She squealed excitedly, flipping a lock of strawberry hair behind her shoulder. I blinked. Oh, shit. Is it the fifth already? She drew in a breath and sent me a shaky smile. "Plus, we haven't done an 'are you alive' check today, so, two birds, you know? You'd have known I was coming if you bothered to check your phone."