Enjolras Imagines

Let me take care of you

I quickly hurried through the dark streets, clutching the crumpled papers close to my chest. The large droplets of rain that were falling from the sky threatened to smudge my hurried scrawl, rendering it illegible. I stuck close to the shadows, hoping I wouldn't be seen by anyone. Again.

I had agreed to give my notes to Enjolras at tomorrow's meeting at the ABC café, but I thought after the events of tonight he would agree that it was safer for me to bring them to him now. My task had been to closely monitor the routes of the national guard's patrols across the week to see if I could establish any patterns. This would make it easier to choose where to hold our rallies in order to avoid backlash from the authorities.

I internally cringed at my eagerness to volunteer for the task at the meeting last week. Enjolras had absentmindedly chosen me after I had raised my hand. I hoped that he thought that I was just dedicated to the cause rather than it really being a ploy to get him to notice me. However knowing Enjolras, he probably didn't even think about me at all. I would be surprised if he even knew my name. I didn't view myself as the most memorable of people.

I think that I had managed to fool the rest of the les amis into believing I was just a dedicated member. Well except maybe Grantaire, who had a knowing smirk on his face after I agreed to the assignment. He had made it clear that my feelings for Enjolras were less than subtle.

At least I could take comfort in the fact that I wasn't as obvious as my sister.

Eponine followed Marius around like he was a fountain and she was dying from thirst, and everyone at the ABC knew that she only came to the meetings in order to spend time with him. Everyone except Marius I suppose.

I felt bad at my criticism of her behaviour, knowing that I was a hypocrite - I stared at Enjolras just as much at the rallies as she did at Marius. However I knew that I had fallen for Enjolras after I had become involved in the revolution, and I felt less phony knowing that I would have been willing to monitor the national guard even if the request hadn't come from the man who consumed all of my spare thoughts.

I quietly opened the door to the building Enjolras lived in, not wanting to disturb anyone at this late hour. My body slowly relaxed as the warm air of the hallway overcame me, and I let out a sigh of relief, glad to be out of the rain that had soaked me over the past half an hour. I quietly made my way up the stairs, cursing the fact that Enjolras has chosen to live in a flat on the third floor.

I hoped that he didn't think I was weird for turning up at his flat this late in the evening. I also hoped he remembered the time that I had gone to his flat with Gavroche in order to pick up some leaflets, so he didn't think I was some kind of stalker who knew where he lived.

I finally arrived at his door and raised my fist to knock.

My heart started to race at the thought of talking to him alone, a situation which had only really occurred in my mind. I felt that my justification for coming to his flat was believable, but I knew that in reality I just wanted to see him. Or rather, I wanted him to see me.

I wanted him to ask about my muddied and ragged appearance. I wanted him to ask what had happened. I wanted him to ask if I was okay.

I was tired and I was in pain and I just needed to feel like he cared about me.

I let my fist collide with the wooden door, producing a loud echoing knock. I immediately regretted my decision.

I debated turning and leaving, knowing that I really shouldn't be here. All I was really going to achieve was making Enjolras view me as pathetic. And what if other members of the ABC were here? The whole group would find out and view me as stupid, and I was already humiliated tonight, I didn't need to feel humiliated tomorrow. I was comfortable being an afterthought.