Enjolras Imagines

The worst part

The colder night air was refreshing as I stepped out of the stressful atmosphere of the café. Whilst I was filled with adrenaline at the thought of leading the revolution at General Lamarque's funeral tomorrow, I was somewhat relieved at the quiet of the night.

I was scared. I wouldn't deny that. But if I had to die tomorrow trying to make France a better place, I would be okay with it. We were igniting the flame of rebellion, and I knew that fire would inevitably spread - it just needed a catalyst.

My thoughts were interrupted by a weight in my hand. I looked down to see y/n interlinking our fingers and giving me a small smile. I felt a pain deep in my chest.

'Let's go home now, Enjolras,' she spoke softly, 'We have a big day tomorrow.'

I squeezed her hand as we began walking down the dark street. Neither of us spoke, but the silence was comfortable considering the fact that we had known each other since we were about ten. We were family friends, but we became closer as we grew up - she was the only person from my old life who actively supported the revolution.

I knew she would want to support the rebellion tomorrow as well, and she would want to be there at the barricade. I had asked her so many times to stay at home and avoid getting hurt but she refused to listen to me. Nothing I could say would convince her not to be there at my side - I had no authority to tell her what to do. We were just friends.

Not that I didn't feel more, but I had been ignoring my feelings for so long that it became second nature to deny them. Y/n was my favourite person in the world, and if we survived the next couple of days I would immediately get down on one knee and ask her to be my wife, but I knew that if I didn't die on the barricade I would definitely end up being hanged for treason. I could accept that for me but I refused to accept that for y/n.

That's why I had to do this, even though it would rip my heart out. If there was even a small chance that I could stop her from risking her life tomorrow I had to take it. She would hate me but at least she would still be alive.

I began rubbing small circles on her knuckles as we walked, and she leaned further into me. The thought that this may be the last time I ever touch her, the last time that I ever see her, made me feel like I was breaking inside. I tried to put up a cage around my feelings - I didn't want to feel this hurt - but my emotions were so strong that not even I , the so-called marble man, could keep them contained.

We soon arrived at her home, a ground-floor apartment. I wanted to keep on walking with her hand in mine, but I knew that I had to do this now or I would lose the courage. I hated the thought of hurting her, but it was what I had to do. I hoped that she would forgive me eventually.

'Will you pick me up here tomorrow so that we can go to the funeral together?'

I took a deep breath. She was so beautiful, and kind, and good. She didn't deserve what was about to happen.

'Don't bother coming.' I barked out, trying to sound as emotionless as possible, like she was just another student and not her. Marius once told me that y/n was the only person I would speak to in a caring manner - it was a real effort to switch that side of me off.

She sighed. 'Enjolras, we talked about this. I am going to fight by your side.'

I looked at the ground, not wanting to make eye contact. Just be cruel. 'It isn't about wanting to keep you safe. This is about the fact that I am going to be leading these men out on the battlefield and I can't afford to be weighed down by burdens like you.' 

Being cruel was harder than I imagined it would be.

'What, I'm a burden now?' she chuckled, obviously trying to alleviate the tension and get me to admit that I was joking. There was silence for a few moments, making her realise that I was being fully serious. 'I promise that I won't be a burden Enjolras.' I hated how small her voice sounded. 'I'll follow your orders just like everyone else.'