R.I.P 2 My Youth | DD x DDot

9

┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐
    Sugarhill, NY.
    dd's house
    12:37 pm
└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

Doubt

|Fear might be the death of me
Fear leads to anxiety
Don't know what's inside of me|

"what are we?" dd asked as we held each other in his bed.

"What you want us to be?" i asked, looking down at him. "I wanna be yours," he said, tying and untying the strings of my hoodie.

"You wanna be mines?"
"Mhm. I wanna be yours."

I was silent for a few seconds before i let go of dd and stood up. A wave of regret and uncertainty passed through his face as he sat up, "where you going?"

"Home. i needa go home. Im sorry." I mumbled and put my shoes on.

"Are you serious?" David asked as he looked at me with tears in his eyes.

I nodded and grabbed my phone and went downstairs. I could hear him following me and calling out my name. I slammed the front door and heard it open behind me. I didn't bother looking back as David called out for me. His voice was filled with despair.

I love David. So much. But i can't commit to it. You get me??

I walked down and wiped my tears helplessly. I remember last time i did this. A repeat of history. Walking to my house crying and stumbling. All the pain of elijah and ethan came back as i was walking home.

I don't understand why this year is so fucking cursed. I don't understand!

I got home and went to my room. I had to put my phone on do not disturb because of how many times dd was texting me. And then when he was breaking the dnd by calling me multiple times i just powered my phone off.

I'm not ready for this. Not ready to admit Ethan's death. Not ready to accept Elijah's Death. Not ready to commit to David. I'm ready.

I cried myself to sleep and when i woke up david was next to me, playing with my hair. I shot up and david jumped slightly.

"What are you doing here?"

"You can't run away from your problems," he said calmly. "What the hell? I'm not?"

He narrowed his eyes at me, "lie to me all you want but you know you have. And you need to face the truth some time."

I didn't say anything and he came close to me. "You need to acknowledge the truth."

"i don't want to." i mumbled.
"why though? you know what happened, happened and we can't do nothing about it. You gotta stop running away."

"I'm scared" i said and he grabbed my hands. "I was scared too."

I didn't speak again so he spoke up, "you gon try for me?"

i nodded and we laid down.

We watched movies and ordered wing stop.