Nightmare | Drarry | English

Chapter 11

He stayed under the cloak for a while longer for fear of being caught. If Harry came back for some reason and saw Draco in the room, there was no explanation he could give. So he tried to be rational despite his shock and waited a little longer. Still wearing his cloak, he walked over to Harry's bed and pulled the suitcase from underneath it, quickly tucking the cloak underneath, then pushing the suitcase away and moving to his side. If he got caught now, he'd say he was in Theo's room or something. There was no head left to think of a more elaborate excuse. His head was full of more important things he had heard.

It sounded funny, absurd and impossible all at the same time, that Harry could feel anything like love for him in their sixth year. So Draco hesitated to say love outright, even in his thoughts. How was that even possible? Harry hated him. Harry hated him so much that he almost killed him. Harry hated him for everything he had done since his first year. He had to hate him. With everything that had happened lately, Draco would have accepted it if he'd heard that he was just starting to like him. But the sixth year had been Draco's darkest year. The year when he questioned his own thoughts, goals and desires, and was crushed under the thoughts, goals and desires of his family... It was the year he tried to kill someone and wished to be dead at some point. It was the year he felt, for the first time in his life, that he was pure evil, paving the way for Dumbledore's death. How could Harry, the person who was the antithesis of everything he did, everything he was forced to do, everything he stood for, how could Harry love him? It was strange. Draco had once thought that Harry had hoped that Harry had really killed him, that Draco Malfoy's death would please him...

In the midst of his racing thoughts, he remembered one of Harry's nightmares that had troubled him the most. Draco was dying. Harry was crying as he waited desperately for someone to help him. Then he couldn't hold Draco's hand in the Room of Requirement and Draco died again. Draco had never questioned what was behind these nightmares. He thought it was the strange intimacy and air between them from the kiss. Now he knew there was something deeper. And something told him that this wasn't the first time Harry had had these nightmares.

He got out of bed in a huff, feeling like he was going mad. As he paced around the room, a new thought occurred to him and he stopped where he was, his gaze fixed on a certain spot, the spot where he had kissed Harry. He was sharing his feelings, feeling what he was feeling. Maybe Draco hadn't meant to kiss him that night. Maybe he had confused Harry's feelings with his own. Maybe... He had never wanted to be close to him. Could it be that the reason he wanted to see him even today was because Harry wanted to see him? Draco tried to separate his feelings from his own. But he couldn't. It was then that he thought for the first time that McGonagall might be right; their bond could lead to things he didn't really want.

As the situation became more complicated, his gaze shifted to his feet. He looked at the socks he was wearing, differently from each other because he thought they would make Harry feel good. He thought about the notes he had sent, what he had written in his book. He thought about how he had defended him against his friends, how he had escaped from the hospital wing. He thought about how his feelings for him had changed for the better from the first moment he was drawn into his dream. In the midst of all these thoughts, he thought that Harry's incomprehensible love was the cause of it all, and while this possibility was getting on his nerves, he bent down and took off his socks. Then he threw them into a corner of the room.

He couldn't let Harry's feelings control his own and dictate his actions. He had to stop it. This was very different from ending his nightmares. He was determined to end them, to help him, but he couldn't allow too much. Just because Harry had feelings for him, he couldn't think he had feelings for Harry. He had to be reasonable and find a way to stop it. After a moment's thought, Harry's voice echoed in his mind.