Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

The Secret

Taylor's POV

Big things sometimes come from small moments.

Travis and I had been officially together from ten months and he had been so amazing at handling all the pressure, the questions...just living with me in the fishbowl. His family....my God...his family had been equally supportive. I could talk to his Mother for hours....his Dad was a great story teller. I told him I would definitely reach out if I was ever stuck on a verse or idea, because I could see where Travis got his imagination.

Sometimes I had to pinch myself at the way my life had changed. But there was always that nagging doubt.... truth be told...deep down where even my mother had never been.... that the fear lived. The fear was kept at bay by the overwhelming love I felt for Travis, but sometimes late at night, in my nightmares, I lived it. Travis leaving me, Travis giving up on us, Travis just gone. It was crazy to think he would do that...but hadn't you thought that about Joe....my evil, crazy, fear whispered. The nightmares rarely came now...but every once and a while, my fear reminded me how things could change in an instant.

I had told Travis a great deal about the toxic and unhealthy relationship Joe and I had. It wasn't that we sat down and talked about my past lovers on purpose, but when things would happened and I would get anxious about Travis' reaction is when details typically surfaced. So the details came out naturally as our relationship advanced, and it helped that we both were so forthcoming and honest about how those relationships affected and changed us. It was incredibly refreshing to not have to walk on eggshells around a man, to be totally open about my feelings, fears, needs, and desires. Travis listened to it all.

"Baby, listen to me." Travis earnestly spoke to me on a magical night in Paris, after the show was over and we were standing on the penthouse terrace enjoying the night and each other. He held my face in his hands softly, his thumbs stroking my cheeks in reassurance, as he spoke so openly and directly.

"I don't want you to EVER be afraid to tell me something....never ever. You don't have to be afraid with me. I want you to be you...not the version of YOU you think I want. That's no way be in a relationship." I smiled at his declaration, wrapping my hand softly around his wrist as he continued to hold my face and gaze. Tears welled up in my eyes, and his gaze softened.

"No tears, baby girl. Your tears are way too special to fall as freely as I have seen them sometimes. You don't think I see them...you're very good at hiding them...but I don't want you to hide...not from me." Travis smiled and kissed me gently. I couldn't find the words to respond, so I just smiled at him.

"Tay...tell me what you want, what you need...always. I don't care where it is, what it is. The world is full of harsh realities, tough decisions, I am here to share the burden with you." I nodded my head in agreement.

"Of course. Trav...you don't know how amazing it is to know you believe in me...like this. You are....I fear...now that I have found you...I'll....I'll..."I stammer a bit, unable to say the words out loud. "I'll lose you. I don't know if I could survive that." I take a deep breath after saying the words I had held inside for so many days and nights.

"You'll never lose me, Tay." Travis whispers, pulling me into a tight embrace, kissing my temple. I tuck my head to Travis' neck as I hug him tightly back.

"Others....have said that before." I mumble, hoping Travis can't hear. Travis' embrace loosens and he pulls back, seeking my gaze in the moon and starlit night.

"I'm not them, Taylor...believe me when I tell you, you can tell me anything...ANYTHING...and whatever it is, we will work it out." Travis pulls me back into his embrace, heaving a great sigh. "I've waited all my life for you."