Kept

Self Destruct

Chan POV

My jaw twitched in annoyance. Everyone was still asleep it was half past ten in the morning and that irked me to no end. It wasn't unusual for the prince to have odd sleeping hours, but Changbin was rarely late to his shifts. I rolled my neck as the thought of him shirking his duties because of a certain blonde made my skin crawl in anger.

He knew better.

Damn it, I didn't want to lecture my best friend about his sexual conquests, but this one- it was going to turn out bad, I just knew it. I mean, I understood. The younger Lee prince was cute as hell- so Changbin's type. Like catnip to the big oaf.

I lifted the delicate black and gold porcelain teacup, and drank, crossing my right leg over the left, allowing myself to relax into the overstuffed wingback chair. The tick of the old grandfather clock was the only sound aside from Jisung's light snores from the next room.

From where I sat, I could see all the doors of his private chambers- my bedroom door was closed tight, Changbin's also- but the light was now shining under the door. Good. He was up and moving, finally. I'd make sure to remind him of his job description and hours over breakfast. I swiveled my head, checking on Jisung- visible through his open bedroom door, a small mound of blankets in his massive bed.

He shifted in his sleep, making a soft whining sound. I swallowed, willing myself to focus my attention elsewhere. It was ridiculous for one- and highly unprofessional. I mean how stereotypical could I be? Falling for my ward- I mean we'd known each other for years. It was my job to protect him- be his companion. It was almost more intriguing to me how someone could manage not to form an attachment under those circumstances.

The king had hand picked Changbin and me to be Jisung's guards and companions once his...oddities began. Even if we'd been kids as well- our fathers had also been guards for the crown- we'd grown up being trained to take over making us uniquely suited to the task. Only certain families were afforded the honor of being royal guards. I'd always taken my job seriously- wanting to prove myself to my father, who was a... harsh man. I promised to look after the prince, keep him safe- report his dreams... the prophecies.

I hadn't expected to fall in love with him.

"Fuck." I mumbled under my breath, refusing to go down that road again. I'd made peace with our friendship- when I'd realized Jisung was less than interested in any type of sexual entanglements. I'd moved on- having a couple short relationships here and there- always ending because I was never "available" enough- either emotionally or literally given my job. Two days off a month just didn't work for most relationships.

My most recent ex had accused me of still being in love with the prince- claiming I had to choose him or my job. He'd been delusional. There was no choice. Jisung was more than a job- he was everything.

Afterward, I realized he'd been right. There was no getting over my feelings for him. That's why I'd made arrangement to change my position once the prince married. I'd no longer be his bodyguard. I'd move up to managing the schedules of the castle's security teams- effectively taking me away from the prince and his future wife all together. He'd be fine. Changbin had agreed to stay on as his primary sentry.

I hadn't told him yet. I couldn't. I also couldn't admit that the reason I kept trying to keep him out of public was that I didn't want him to marry yet. Maybe I wasn't ready to let go.

And I didn't like how different he was lately. He didn't want to marry- That I knew. The idea of sex had always disgusted him...an admission he'd blurted out one night while he and Changbin were doing shots of whiskey. But I also knew he'd do his duty, per his father's orders. He would force himself to bed his wife, have a kid or two and bury himself in self-loathing.