I didn't know warmth until my lips met hers.
Her head is slightly tilted, but as I plant my kiss on her lips I realise, she does not kiss me back.
And as I pull my lips back, I learn cold.
The absence of her is like gaining consciousness of my lips for the first time, and the cold wind of the astronomy tower on them.
She didn't kiss me back.
Of course she didn't kiss me back.
What the hell was I thinking. I got so so caught up in the moment I...
But there was no excuse, at least no valid one. My head drops as I grit my teeth, my jaw clenching. My hands grip the railing, almost painfully before I push myself away. I don't dare open my eyes, knowing what's behind the lids.
What had I done? Destroyed everything? What had there been to destroy? Well that was probably the most idiotic question, there was everything to destroy, every small moment, every snarky comment, every gaze, every look, everything.
She doesn't say anything. Finally I open my eyes, for them to be unmet. She is looking at the floor, biting into her bottom lip. I can only take it for so long, or rather, so short before I leave. I can't stand it. She looks so upset, and it can only be with me. It's always with me.
I rush down the stairs of the tower, the spiral almost making me dizzy, or maybe it was just the lingering feeling of her lips on mine. I rub a hand on my face, shutting eyes hard. This was wrong on so many levels, probably in ways I wasn't even ready to comprehend. I stumble on one of the steps, probably not a good idea to lose my vision right now I think to myself as I quickly remove my hand and open my eyes. Better. Worse.
I really thought she was going to kiss me back. How delusional, demented even.
But I want to kiss her, so, so, so much and so badly that simply not doing it is starting to turn into agony. And after this, I don't know if it is possible to not be in agony.
Was it selfish of me to crave her warmth, possibly, probably yes, but there was no way to hinder it, to reduce it or hide it. Why should I? Why would I?
I couldn't tell which turmoil was most confusing or bigger, the physical or the emotional.
Out of the tower I hurry through the halls, although it feels as though Im slowly stumbling. I know I'm not, but thats what it feels like. Like my grasp of time and reality is starting to go astray. Like Im going crazy. But this is so much worse. Kissing her made it so, so, so much worse.
Up the stairs, through halls to my dorm where I crash. Maybe I can convince Theodore to rip my head off, I feel like he owes me that at the very least. Dignity had been thrown out the window, so at least there was no point in suppressing it anymore, but I suspect that too will only lead to enhanced agony.
So there was nothing positive about this? Nothing at all?
Since you have clearly abandoned me god, why not just end my suffering now?
Fuck me.
YOU ARE READING
Snakes that bite
Fanfiction"Snakes are special. Most of them are harmless of course, but there are some that are so venomous that they will kill you before you even know you were bit. That's the kind of snake Lorenzo is." #1 berkshire This is a Enemies to lovers fan fiction a...
