Attack on Titan: A Blacksmith's Tale

Chapter 48: Gazing at the Abyss

Dillon was sure that Hanji was saying something important to him as she led him back to the infirmary, but he was too wrapped up in his misery to give a damn. Once again, he felt everything around fall apart, and this time, there would be no one to help him get back up. His parents were gone, his dreams were shattered, and now the woman he gave up so much for was dying. Reality was a joke and he was the punchline.

Every single time he thought he was making some sort of progress with his life, something, or someone, would come around to kick his teeth in. Why? What was the point of all this? If it was meant to drive him into the point of insanity and never return, it was working. Hell, he might as well accept it at this point. There was nothing he could do to fix any of this, so halting his fruitless efforts was the only option left.

"Don't you dare."

Unlike the previous times where he entered into Ymir's realm, he felt himself being yanked into it, like a mother pulling her stubborn child in the direction he was supposed to go. In this situation, he was the child, and Ymir was the stern, intervening Titan of a mother. He was back in the beautiful paradise he started in, but he was more concerned with the Titan looking down at him crossly.

"You need to calm down," she urged. "This will only make things worse."

It probably wasn't a good idea to argue with the Goddess of all Titans, but since it was Dillon, good ideas were thrown out the window and trampled to death by out-of-control horses. "You know, I'm getting really sick and tired of people telling me to calm down. Annie's a murdering traitor? Calm down. My mother's a war criminal? Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. It's always the same, fucking thing every fucking time something happens! Well, you know what? For once, I going to be who I am without some person who thinks they know everything getting in my way!"

"The last time you lost control, you almost killed Annie Leonhart," she reminded him calmly.

"I didn't have an outlet," he shot back, pacing back and forth. "I do now! In this world, I'm dealing with a dead woman, so I can just let it all out!"

She took the insult in stride. "Wanting an outlet is one thing, but you are hanging precariously on a-."

"There you go. I'm always the one in the wrong, right?"

Ymir narrowed her eyes at him, not that he noticed. "You are not thinking clearly, Dillon. Listen to me."

"Do I look like I give a damn?" Dillon questioned, eyes blazing. The trees in the distance swayed dangerously. "I'm fed up with this bullshit! They can find someone else to be their precious punching bag. I'm done, okay? Just leave me alone."

"YOU CAN'T SAVE HER!" Ymir's voice boomed so loudly, the world seemed to shake out of fear. It certainly got Dillon to fall on his ass and she cared so little about that. "That's what this is all about. She is going to die, and you're looking for someone to blame, so let's go down the list together, shall we? Why not start with Annie? I mean, she already slaughtered your squad, backstabbed you, and traumatized you for life. Now, she kept this from you in an effort to prevent you from suffering further, so let's be mad at her. Then, there's Marley. They were the ones who forced her down and injected her with Titan serum. Sure, she willingly volunteered for the program, but they were the ones ultimately in control of her fate. Or how about we go even further back? Blame me!" She jabbed herself in the chest with her thumb. "I cursed all the Titan Shifters with my power. If I just let it die with me over a thousand years ago, none of this would have happened. It's all my fault. But then, there's your part to play in all this, Dillon. You're on the list, too, because you're powerless and you're hopeless, because there is nothing you can do to save her!"