Attack on Titan: A Blacksmith's Tale

Chapter 62: Branded

If there's one thing Dauper had that the Scouts needed, it was better infirmaries with better doctors. Arrow and gunshot wounds were a bit more common meaning they would have the right courses of action. Eld was very fortunate his shoulder wound wasn't infected. Otherwise, they would've had to amputate the entire arm. That being said, he wouldn't be using it for quite some time. It pissed him off to no end how useless he felt, but there was nothing he could do.

Levi told him as much when he dropped in for a brief visit... in his own special way. "Still feeling sorry for yourself, Eld?"

He gave a snort at that question. "Getting shot isn't the problem, Captain. You put me in charge of protecting Eren and Historia. Look how that ended up." He winced and rubbed his bruised forehead. The concussion subsided, but he was still getting headaches.

"You did everything you could. No one could ask for more than that." He sat in a nearby chair and stared directly into his eyes. "That was quick thinking on your part, taking the fight into a building. You deprived them of their advantage and forced them to your level. You'll make a hell of a Section Commander one day."

Eld shook his head as his eyes drifted down to his lap. "Times like these make me wonder how the hell we ended up here. It was all so simple back then, you know? Killing Titans, trying to get back our territories, learn more about the enemy. Now we've got humans that can turn into Titans, people with psychic powers, conspiracies within this country, other countries that want to kill us all... it's like the weight of the world came crashing down on our heads, sir."

Levi nodded in agreement. "I'm not the chessmaster and gambler Erwin is. He takes that weight and lives his life around it. Me? I can only focus on one thing at a time. The government is trying to kill us, so we take them down by any means necessary."

'"Any means necessary,'" he repeated grimly. "That might as well be the motto of this regiment."

"We do what we have to in order to survive. You know this." The captain hesitated for a moment, his eyes briefly closing in remembrance. "Petra and Gunther knew the cost the moment they enlisted in the Scouts. It doesn't make their loss easier, but it is what it is."

"Gunther and I used to hit the bars every time we came back from an Expedition," Eld said with a sigh. "We were evenly matched in the drinking games, always trying to outdo the other. It's not like we were celebrating a victory. It was out of relief that we made it home to our families. We... missed the last one."

"Because Oluo was gone," Levi finished for him.

"Yes," he answered gravely. "Once a squad gets put together, losing a member takes a toll on you. Didn't feel right to have a drink at the time. Now, Petra and Gunther are dead, too." He used his uninjured hand bury his face in it. "Fucking war..."

Levi was silent as he watched his actions. Normally, he would pull the man up and help move onto the next mission, take time to grieve later. Because of his injury, he had to luxury to mourn. "I can't tell you how you what you're supposed to do, Eld. If you wanna cry, cry. Shoot something, grab a gun. I don't care. You're getting an opportunity no one else has right now to do whatever the hell you want. Savor it while you can." He stood up, brushing himself off. "We're going to figure out our next move. If you want to join us, try not to bleed out."

It was faint, but there was a small smirk that formed on Eld's face. "I'll keep that in mind, Captain."

Once Levi was gone, however, he breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't dare voice what he was also feeling among everything else. Sure, there was the guilt of failing his mission, the sadness of losing his friends, but there was also a touch of happiness within all that. It made him sick to his stomach that he had to kill those people. Like Jean said, none of them had asked for this madness. For once, he could sit this one out, and not a single person in the world could make him feel guilty over it.