"Ano pa? ano pa ang mga mangyayari saakin ate?" She said in a sad tone.
Marami...at hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sa'yo.
Nag kunware akong walang narinig, I can't let her experience those pain at that age. So as long as I can protect her. I'll protect her.
"Ate ayoko na, sa totoo lang. Ayoko na pala tumanda," She kept on talking to me even though I'm pretending to be asleep. "Akala ko kasi, kapag matanda na. Masaya, magagawa mo na lahat ng gusto mo. Hindi pala."
"I want to stay like this forever, kung sana wala itong katapusan...Ayokong iwan ka ate."
Napabuntong hininga ako at iminulat na ang mga mata. I removed my earphones at nilagay sa table before facing her. "Bata kapa....enjoy your childhood kasi yung childhood ko? Sirang sira 'yun."
"Ako gusto kong bumalik sa pagkabata," pero batang ako 'yung ibinalik saakin ng mundo.
"Ang problema ko lang dati paano tatapusin assignments ko," I joked. "And high grades, your younger self craves academic validation ate. I'm craving for that validation."
"Siguro 'yun ang pinagkaiba natin," I want to say something pero nanahimik na lang ako.
wala kapa sa edad na pinili nating tangapin na lang lahat. Kasi wala naman tayong magagawa.
" Eight years old kapa lang, marami pang mang yayari sa'yo."
"Imus Cavite na oh!" The conductor announced. I held her little hand at naglakad na pababa sa bus. "Sakin kana," I said and she gave me her genuine smile. That makes my heart melts.
"Hindi mo na ko iiwan?" I nodded.
Hindi na kita iiwan, trust me.
"Hya saan ka galing? Doon ka muna sa sakin tumuloy. May bagyo, sira pa ang kwarto mo," Balisasang sabi ni Tita nang makita ako na papasok sa condominium. " Ha? saan po ikaw tutuloy?"
"Uuwi ako samin," I nodded at nagpunta muna sa place ko to change my clothes and cook our dinner. "Sino siya?" Laure asked.
"Mama nong ex boyfriend ko," Her jaw dropped. "Nag ka bf ako?" She tilted her head and asked innocently. "Ako, hindi Ikaw."
11pm nang bumaba ako sa room ni Tita. Inaantok na rin si Laure pero gising na gising pagkatao ko.
Nagsimula nang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan na may kulog at kidlat. I closed all the window at nag painit ng tubig.
I peacefully typed on my keyboard.
The sound of the rain, hot coffee and my clicking keyboard. My kind of solace escape.
____
"I fucking saw you, kissing her!" Hindi ko na napigilan at unti unti nang tumulo ang mga luha ko. "Baby it's not like that, please let me explain" He knelt on the ground begging for me to hear his explainations. "What for? Tangina I saw you...."
"Trust me, it's nothing. It's just...ano lang," he's out of his word. And I laughed bitterly. Ano nga bang laban ko? Madi is a goddess, rich and smart. Pantay sila ng pantas sa buhay. "Ano?! Bakit hindi mo maituloy??"
"You told me earlier that you liked the black dress we saw. And...I saw Madi purchasing it. It's a limited edition baby. I badly want to buy it for you. So I....." before he can even finish his words. I slapped him. "So you kissed her?"
"I'm sorry.....I'm sorry....please forgive me baby," I gestured him to get up. "I already told you. I don't need a perfect relationship. I just want to love with no lies"
_________
I paused for a minute, and wiped my own tears. I heaved a sigh before closing my laptop. The rain started pouring heavy, thunder and the lightings soared with anger.
When someone really cares about you, really cares about how you feel, and if someone really loves you. They'll make an effort and not an excuse.
Just like my character. Wala namang 'perfect' sa mundo. If ever that I'll commit again. I don't want a perfect relationship, dahil walang ganon. We will always experience boredom and even our sparks wont light on. All I want is for my partner to accept my imperfections. Because our imperfections will never be a burden to someone who really loves us. I want someone who will never give up on me. Will never get tired of my miserable life.
I unplugged all the wires first before going to be bed with Laure. It's 2 in the morning at hindi pa ako inaantok. I examine her facial figures and smiled.
She's really pretty. Her innocent and angelic face, with thick lashes. Her pointy nose and small lips.
I used to be insecure, kahit nong bata pa ako. But seeing her being this effortlessly pretty kahit natutulog. Suddenly washed all my insecurities away.
Everytime I'm looking at her, I see million reasons to live.
I watched her sleep hangang sa makatulog na rin ako.
"Goodmorning ate, may noddles po diyan. Kain na," She gave me her morning smile. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from laughing. Ngayon ko lang nakita ng buo ang ngipin niya hahaha. I tied my hair up at nag upo na sa lamesa. Umupo siya sa tabi ko. "Nanaginip ako kagabi," She started.
"Ohh ano meron?" tanong ko at humigop ng sabaw. "It was wonderful, nasa enchanted place ako! Maraming rides and... chocolates!" She joyfully describe every detail she had dreamed off, the heavenly garden giving her warmth and the power of happiness. "Talaga? Ano pang nangyari?"
"May lalaki ate! Nagiiyak ako kasi hindi ako pinayagan sumakay sa isang ride. And his staring at me. Weird nga eh, But he gave me chocolates instead and we went to Carousel!"
"But he's 3years older than me nga e, sayang. But I still recall what he said" Nag tikhim muna siya and deepend her voice. "It's okay to let someone see you crying, crying doesn't make you less strong. In fact, crying makes you stronger."
"Subconsciousness mo lang 'yan, kasi I told you na nag ka bf ako," Pinitik ko ang noo niya bago tumayo at mag hugas ng plato.
" Aray...." She held her forehead. "Panaginip lang 'yan, besides bata kapa. Hindi dapat love life iniitindi mo."
" Hindi naman ah? Sinabi ko lang panaginip ko ate," She denied. Nag kibit balikat na lang ako at nag patuloy sa paghuhugas ng plato.
"Totoo 'yun, trust me," someone knocked on the door. "Wait lang po," she immediately run towards it. "Bakit po?"
Hindi ko masyadong marinig ang pinaguusapan at hindi ko rin makita kung sino. "Ayy okay po. Ingat po," she closed the door and run towards me.
"Sino 'yun?"
"Just someone you know daw, hindi ko kilala."
________
Back on track na ulit!! I really love Anson and his songs, so expect n'yo na puro songs niya ang naka featured dito ehehe. Loveluts!!
-Karamel
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Para sa Batang Ako
Teen FictionYza Hyalea Hernandez death was vividly depicted in her nightmare, following which she awakens to see her younger self. Laure Hyracint helped her recognize the worth of her own soul--her own life.
