20 years old
I was never good at communication. I was surrounded by those who raised me with standards of obedience but silence. Of humility but individual complacency. Missing out and sacrifice to build others up was my lifestyle.
My name means God's grace and that comes with a giving heart. Forgiveness, material things, love, energy. So much energy.
So when I prayed, when I worshipped, when I read the word, when I felt his presence, I never felt enough. And that initial guilt and shame of living a Godly life as a fleshly person was hard.
But even when I didn't communicate all that I wanted because I never thought them possible for me to receive. Even when I felt my voice and energy give out. Even when I didn't know what I truly needed. God knew.
6 years I've been in the youth. 20 years I've been in this earth. Longer than my existence, God has made my past present and future. And I look back and I ask what more are you blessing me with? In every season that ends, I say God I am blessed. I am content but he says think bigger.
Because in the trials, the edification, the pruning, the sacrifice, he drew me closer into his firm foundation.
My walls are down. I receive people who are excited to give me the space to exist, express, and love with all my heart. He Gave clarity to my view of being enough, of success, of self-value to "fearfully and wonderfully made"
He gave me reminders of his love and I look at the trials, worries, walls I go through now, not with anxiety, but with wonder.
Because it means he's not done with me yet. There's more. Much bigger than I can imagine. And I'm only 20 years old.
