Song: Always Afternoon - Medasin, Kathleen
———
It was 1-2 years ago during senior year of high school. It was lunchtime and we talked about God knows what— you always had me talking and smiling the most at the time. Even then, you'd always tease me relentlessly and you were always a little closed off.
Sometimes, I wondered too much into my insecurities and connected your apathy in our relationship as my fault.
Looking back, maybe that's why we didn't work. We were high schoolers, neither of us were ready.
But at one point, our friends became so loud because some kid was getting bullied in our group.
Naturally, I tried to step in but they bullied me back and I didn't know how to handle it.
I was so easy to overwhelm back then you'd think the smallest gust of wind would drag me away from that scene.
But it was you who gently pulled me to the side, sat me down, and tried to talk to me.
I was still out of it, so you took a few seconds just watching me. I think you were trying to find a way to help. (It was cute how awkwardly you showed your worry for me.)
So that's when you pulled out your red noise cancelling earphones— the ones you'd wear around everybody else you talk to but me—, plugged it in, and gave it to me.
And instead of my crazed hyperventilating and our friends screaming angrily to back me up, all I could hear was this song.
And I looked to my shaking hands only to find you holding them still, signing with your other hand telling me to take deep breaths.
When the song was over, I gave it back and instead of teasing me or demeaning me like you usually did, you just stayed silent, rubbing your thumb across the back of my hand.
That was when I knew I didn't have to be alone and guarded to keep myself safe. That was when I knew that you cared about me.
That night I called you crying because I had a bad dream about it, You asked if I was okay. I knew you'd stay on the phone with me, listening to me mumble about it.
What I didn't expect was to see you outside my window with your bike in 30 minutes with a blanket and those same red earphones to share.
Obviously, we didn't work in the end. But I hope you know that you'll always be my favorite form of loving.
