Livid Love

Riley

It's been five weeks. Five whole weeks without Simon Riley. I know whenever someone looses a loved one they always say "it doesn't feel real", but it is the truth. I feel as if I'm still on that forsaken island, sleeping in some kind of nightmare, praying every single day to wake up. To wake up and be with him even if we had to ration food and fight over who had to go hunting or who got to eat first. I would take that over being stuck here, in Manchester sitting in this grey apartment, with its grey bedsheets and its grey walls any day.

I stare at the dark ceiling for a moment longer before sliding out of bed, slipping my cold feet into my slippers. I trudge to the bathroom and I turn away from to mirror as to not look at the left side of my face, still burnt from falling to the ground that day.

I shower

I pull on some clothes

I make myself coffee

It's all just a big grey blur.

Until my phone rings, it's Rachel. My heart lightens slightly, feeling hopeful for the first time in weeks. I told Price to leave me alone for a while, he listened and hasn't called my phone or to my apartment since. I've barely talked to anyone. Yet I still found myself yearning for someone to reach out and pull me out of my hole, even if I deny their help.

"Hey y/n! How are you doing" she asks

"I'm good" I lie, trying hard to push the fake enthusiasm through the phone.

" that's great" she says " I know you can't tell me anything about your mission thingy but how's it going?"

"It's done. We finished about five weeks ago" I say

"Oh really? That's good!" And three two one... "did you catch whoever you were after?"

I sigh mentally "Yeah we caught him, he's all locked up now" I lie again

Price asked Laswel to request for other people to be sent after Hassan, he knew we wouldn't be able to manage after what happened. I have no idea how they're getting on with that.

"Cool...We should meet up again. If you're near here?" She questions

"Well I'm actually In Manchester right now, visiting family you know..." I trail off

"Oh that's ok don't worry" she smiles through the mic "oh yeah I just remembered, how are you and Simon?"

My heart squeezes along with my throat. I make an attempt at saying "we're great" but it comes out as a strangled "good". I wait for her to ask another question.

"Cool cool" she says, trying to keep the conversation from becoming awkward. There's a knock on the door on her end. "Oh I have to go now, my boyfriend is here, bye!"

I hang up without saying more, a tear crawling out from each eye. I wipe them away before I yet again start to cry. I suddenly feel like my breakfast is about to reappear so I sprint to the toilet bowl and there it is, my coffee and my toast. That's the second time this week. 

I book a visit to a local medical clinic, something is wrong with me.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

"I've been sick twice this week, both times after I've woken up and eaten. I feel so tired and I keep falling asleep everywhere" I say, asking for answers as the doctor types my words into her computer, she nods as I talk.

"And have you ever suffered from depression or anxiety in the past?" She asks, her voice soft.

"I had anxiety when I was younger, and I've had depression on and off the last few years"