Red Alert/Red Notice (The "Super Jerk" Prequel)

14 - Conflicting Emotions

^^Above, chapter title credit: Song by Split Enz.^^

{Raina}

Things are pretty chilly between us after that, and it isn't just because the weather outside has a bite of cold now. Geoff and I don't really talk, and when we do, our conversations have a life of about three sentences. Most of the time I spend with Ettie or by myself. At least I'm not throwing up so much anymore, but I still get dizzy spells, even at nearly seven months.

Mila and I are in the kitchen, watching Ettie wander around and point out different things the day everything changes. She's been pretty fast learner, now talking in almost complete sentences. Her word of the day seems to be spoon, because she keeps reaching for the wooden one that Mila's using to make muffins.

"Spoon, Nana," she says, bouncing up on the balls of her feet and stretching an arm up. "Spoon."

"You can't play with this one, Miss Ettie," Mila says, nudging it away from the edge of the counter.

I see Ettie's expression falter, and I have to intervene before she starts bawling. I pick a whisk out of the cup next to the stove and kneel down next to her with some difficulty.

"Ets, honey, what is this?" I hold it out to her, and she stares at it. "It was your favorite."

"Whisk?" she says, after a minute.

"Very good, sweetie." I let her take it, kissing her forehead.

Then, as I haul myself up, holding my growing belly and both my knees protesting painfully, I hear the familiar opening tones of the four o'clock news. I don't usually pay attention to it, but something that day makes me. The newscaster comes on, a well-dressed woman with dark hair, and immediately starts reporting on the headline: Multimillionaire Howard Eckles's midtown offices were ripped apart by what appeared to be incendiary bombs, planted inside the walls. No one, not even him, knew they were in there.

"Oh my God..." I press my fingers against my lips, leaning back heavily against the counter. The footage is showing Eckles being wheeled out of the lobby on a gurney, one side of his body bloody and burnt. "Who would do something like that?"

Mila says nothing, and I know exactly who she's thinking of.

Then the phone rings, and me being the closest, I pick it up before Mila can. "Hello?"

"Raina, thank God..." It's El's mom, Kim. She sounds distraught. "I wasn't sure if I'd reach you..."

"Yeah, I'm okay," I say, fighting the rising panic.

"That's a relief, honey, really..." Her voice cuts off, and I catch a distant sob. "We heard...the explosion..."

Then it hits me. El worked in Eckles's office. And the only reason her mom would be calling me is because something happened to her. "I just saw it on the news..."

"Raina, honey..." Kim's grief leaks through every word. "Ellen, she..."

"El?" I feel my knees give way, the blood beginning to roar in my ears. "What happened?"

"Caught in the blast..." Kim says, but I barely hear her. "Broke her neck...I'm sorry, honey...she's gone..."

The phone slips from my hand as I collapse against Mila, who barely catches me as she lowers us to the ground. I bury my face in her shoulder as my sobs escape, my chest aching so much I can hardly stand it. I can't believe El is dead. My friend, my sister, the best goddam roommate ever. And even though we'd drifted apart for a little while, we managed to find each other again eventually.

I just want the pain to stop, even though it's only begun.

≈

Geoff comes home to a dark house. I haven't bothered to turn on any lights since I found out about El. In fact, the only one that's on is the lamp next to me. I close my eyes, pressing my hands against my baby bump and will him to stop kicking me, just for a second. He's gotten much more active, and possibly the most painful thing is when he digs a heel into my ribs.