Red Alert/Red Notice (The "Super Jerk" Prequel)

32 - Don't Speak

^^Above, chapter title credit: Song by No Doubt.^^

{Raina}

St. Louis, Missouri, three years later

It's nothing like New York here. I have to accept that, after finally leaving the city behind in the dead of night less than six months ago. Geoff told me it was for the best, although I don't see what's so great about living here. It's quiet, and the stately old houses that surround us are set in a nicer part of town. But it's completely flat, and feels so far removed from the fast-paced East Coast life I'd gotten used to. Not to mention the suburbs make me want to poke my eyes out.

Our disintegration has been steady ever since. I see Geoff probably once a day, when he gets home from work. But it doesn't last long. He either disappears into his office or the living room, a drink in his hand so often it's like an extension of his arm. He's a lot less happy in a smaller satellite of the company, stuck in a mediocre office with even more mediocre employees. Howard even made him manager of the branch, but that didn't seem to help.

I find myself stuck in the role of a middle-class housebound wife. The work that Mila and Roberto used to do has landed on me, Geoff having let them go before we moved. That was our first big fight, and we hadn't spoken for a month. Now I've had to learn how to cook and how to drive, and all while trying to raise our kids practically by myself. Ettie was in a great public school before we moved, but now we've had to come up with extra money to send her to a private one.

My only highlights, it turns out, are the updates from Hank – who still lives in New York – and the occasional visit from Aisha. We've gotten much closer since we bumped into each other at day care completely by accident, where I've been taking Cam twice a week. She seems to be the last remaining link to our old life. Funny how that turned out.

It's that one night, sometime in the middle of Ettie's first summer vacation since we arrived, that plunges us into a living hell. Geoff comes home grumpy as usual, while I'm trying to entertain Cam and make dinner at the same time. He's walking a lot more now, and most of the time I have to enlist Ettie to help me watch him. But she's off on a playdate with one of her friends that evening, so it's just Cam and me.

"Have a good day?" I ask Geoff as he clumps into the kitchen and gives me the perfunctory kiss on the cheek.

"Fine," he answers curtly, banging around in the cupboards, probably searching for his booze. "So we're a dry house now?"

"I've been running errands all day, Geoff. I didn't have time to get any of that."

"Yeah, okay, whatever." He finishes his search and stomps out again.

I sigh and turn back to dinner. I'm trying a chicken cordon bleu tonight, because most times I'm too tired. But today was better, with less things on the list than usual.

"Mama," Cam says, toddling over and tugging on my pants. "Dada angry."

"No, honey, he's not angry." I run my fingers through his hair as I stir the sauce. "He's just had a really long day."

"Mama," Cam says again. "Hungry."

"You ate an hour ago, sweetie." I feel an exhaustion overwhelm me, and my memory blanks. Did he eat?

"Hungry, Mama. Wanna eat."

I could kick myself for forgetting. This worry about Geoff and the fact that it's distracting me isn't helping, and on top of all my new responsibilities, I've been forgetting a lot more lately.

"Okay, honey. Dinner'll be ready in fifteen minutes. Can you wait?"

Cam nods, and the seriousness in his expression makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time.