Addicted to You

"But I Love You More..."

Our social worker's expression turned sympathetic, but not surprised. "Leia, we've discussed this before. You and Timothée have already made the decision to place your son for adoption. Are you having second thoughts?"

I nodded, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "Yes, I am. I can't shake the feeling that I'm making a mistake, that I'm giving up a part of myself."

Timothée squeezed my hand supportively, and she nodded understandingly. "Let's talk about this, Leia. We'll explore your options and see what's best for everyone involved."

She leaned forward, her eyes filled with compassion. "Leia, it's important to know that you can't simply 'back out' of the adoption at this stage. The adoption process is already underway, and David and Katie have already been matched with your son. However, we can discuss the possibility of a reversal, or a disruption of the adoption."

I felt a glimmer of hope. "What does that mean, exactly?"

She explained, "A disruption of the adoption would mean that you and Timothée would be reconsidering your decision to place your son for adoption, and would be exploring the possibility of parenting him yourselves."

Timothée spoke up, his voice filled with emotion. "We want to do what's best for our son. We just need to know our options."

She nodded. "I understand. Let me consult with the agency and with David and Katie's social worker. We'll need to have a conversation with them as well, as they have already become attached to your son."

I nodded, feeling a mix of emotions: hope, fear, uncertainty. I knew that this was a big decision, one that would affect not just our lives, but the lives of our son and his adoptive parents.

She continued, "I want to emphasize that a disruption of the adoption is a serious decision, and it's not one that should be taken lightly. It's important to consider the emotional impact on all parties involved, including your son and his adoptive parents."

I nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat. "I know. I'm just not sure if I can go through with it."

Timothée took my hand, his eyes filled with support and understanding. "We'll figure this out together, Leia. We'll do what's best for our son, no matter what that means."

Our social worker smiled sympathetically. "I know this is a difficult decision, but I'm here to support you both, no matter what you decide. Let me make some phone calls and we'll go from there."

I nodded, feeling a sense of gratitude towards her. I knew that this was a difficult conversation to have, but I was glad that we were having it. I was glad that we were exploring our options, and considering what was best for our son.

As we left the agency, I felt a sense of uncertainty, but also a sense of hope. I knew that we had a difficult road ahead of us, but I was glad that we were facing it together.

~

As we pulled into my parents' driveway, my stomach began to twist with anxiety. Now that Timothée and I had made our decision, I knew I had to tell my parents.

Timothée noticed my nervousness and took my hand. "Hey, it's going to be okay," he said reassuringly. "We're in this together, remember?"

I nodded, taking a deep breath. "I know. It's just...my parents are going to be so mad. They were really wanted me to abort him or give him to David and Katie."

Timothée squeezed my hand. "I can go in with you."

I nodded, and we got out of the car. As we walked towards the house, I could feel my heart racing with anticipation. I knew this conversation was going to be difficult, but I was determined to be honest and open with my parents.