Tasty Landmass

Chapter 2

For the following weeks Slovakia was actually happy because he would be with his silly adorable politically inclined romantical pookie zlatko slniečko cukríček jeblinka schmukums sweetie apple pie rakija chlapec-hračka the sun to his sunshine the zhongli to his joe bidet the molotov-ribbentrop pact to his baltic occupation the estonian counting system to his partitive case Croatia. As a morning ritual he would blast "I'M NOT A CZECH I'M SLOVAK MUMUMSEFEMFEEMUFUEFE" in his room for 300 hours to get the nationalism going if you catch my drift. Like how he and Czechia drifted away and never talked to each other again. Yes, his therapist, Denmark, said this was the best way to get over a traumatic breakup. Slovakia was as happy as the Serbs if they had a functional government.

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Meanwhile, Czechia was pissed because she constantly saw Slovakia and her replacement Croatia making out whenever she entered a 40,075 km radius of his presence.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" she would say (in the roblox Work at a Pizza Place anger emote voice) whenever she saw them. Because although she was unaware with how much Slovakia was suffering after she dumped him, she was still in love with him. She had to admit it was much lonelier being by herself. She didn't have anyone to be a "Big dom energy on Czech am I right" to. She was bitter, because even though Slovakia was more annoying than not qualifying for Eurovision, she was very jealous. And the only reason why she dumped him was because of the stupid Velvet Divorce or whatever it was called.

one day a handsome Bulgarian carrying yogurt and a stick passed by and said: "How it feel being single when Slovakia isn't? Velvet divorce more like I-want-a-refund-ahh divorce!"

As Bulgaria was laughing, Czechia was quivering and steaming like those really loud kettles before she snatched his yogurt like the stereotypical Romanian pickpocketer and dumped it on his head, which didn't do much because Bulgaria probably bathes in yogurt I don't really know I'd imagine that Bulgarian yogurt slaps though so I don't blame him.

"MAYBE YOU'RE THE ONE THAT WILL BE GETTING REFUNDS ONCE YOUR ECONOMY ISN'T SH*T!!" she shouted back at him.

She stormed off and wanted to launch everything that remained her of Slovakia out of sight. She went to her favorite shop in Prague and bought 99 bottles of beer on the wall because alcoholism is the best coping mechanism. As she drowned in being drunk because she was sick of everything, a dark-haired lad approached her. He looked at her disheveled state for a few moments before screaming at the top of his lungs: "KOSOVO JE SRBIJA!!!!!!" which was kind of the only thing he did. (I know this isn't gay but in fanon he is mostly portrayed as a man so idk) Czechia was utterly flabbergasted jaw-dropped perplexed befuddled confused and bewildered.

"What?" she asked. He spoke in a confident tone. "You are a very pretty and alcoholic country, I would like to form a politically inclined romantical union with you,"

Czechia had never heard anyone actually appreciate her so she started sobbing and venting about how much she misses Slovakia and how she is so jealous of Croatia. Serbia's brain was preoccupied with thoughts of Kosovo je Srbija but he still looked somewhat concerned. Then, Slovakia and Croatia just happened to enter the 40,075 km radius. Czechia could nearly sniff it out clearly. It was the scent of gayness approaching.

"OH MY GOSH put on this wig so you look like a girl and then start kissing me when they pass by so Slovakia thinks I've moved on and I'm gay and it will give him PTSD flashbacks" she panicked as she pulled out a Hatsune Miku cosplay wig from her coat. Serbia looked very confused but did as he was told when Slovakia and Croatia were walking past them. Slovakia stared at Czechia for a moment, and Croatia stared and Serbia. To be honest Serbia looked like a really tall and masculine version of Hatsune Miku wearing Serbian traditional clothing and awkwardly holding onto an empty glass of beer mid "Kollaa will hold unless ordered to run" (get it because he's just holding his lips there since he doesn't know what he's doing with his life). He wasn't sure if Croatia recognized him but he was sure as heck shocked that HE was who Slovakia was in a politically inclined romantical union with. No one had ever felt so embarrassed in their life at this moment.

Suddenly, the ground under them collapsed and they were engulfed in water. Serbia's Hatsune Miku wig became drenched and Slovakia screamed as Croatia caught him in his arms in a very romantic intimate affectionate wattpad way. Ascending above them was Hetalia Montenegro whom no one knew existed (no one knew any of the Balkans minus Romania, Bulgaria and Greece existed). He just woke up from winning the annual lazy contest (which is a real thing btw look it up).

"WHAT HAPPENED?!" yelled Czechia. Her entire landmass was gone, actually, no landmass was to be seen near them.

"I consumed all of Europe," Montenegro responded, smiling menacingly.

"So it's all Montenegro?" cried Slovakia.

"Always has been."

And then Montenegro phased out of existence, leaving the four of them in the water. This was a bizarre and somewhat distressing experience, but it was better than Slovakia's life without Croatia, when he was all alone. So Slovakia turned on his waterproof speaker he somehow carried with him and started blasting "I'M NOT A CZECH I'M SLOVAK MUMUMSEFEMFEEMUFUEFE" much to Czechia's dismay. While the song was playing, Slovakia and Croatia did gay things (idrk) and Czechia and Serbia watched awkwardly even though Serbia wished he were a woman so he could do those gay things too.