Heartstrings

Chapter Fourteen: Circles

Mallory

I stared up at the ceiling of my guest room, wearing the same clothes I wore to Jada's house. When I reached here, I stared at my phone for fifteen minutes, wondering what I should say to Reid. 

In our first encounter since the crash, we'd already fought. We never fought before, because there was never anything serious enough to argue about. Or if there was an issue, we resolved it within a day. But our current situation felt so unsolvable. How could you cure this in a mere day?

The wound in our relationship was too fresh. My reward was finding unfamiliar ground; a new relationship that Reid and I were both too tired to fight for. I was aching to let go of the hurt, even if I didn't want to leave Reid. I wanted to stop hurting us.I was desperately ignoring the ugly truth. I needed to break our ties so we could heal separately.

No matter what I tried, our relationship was collapsing. It was changing, malforming into some twisted mess of a shape that I no longer recognised.

Cleo let me stay in her apartment for a few days, so I informed Nick that I wouldn't be there tonight. Cleo and Nick accepted my whims without a word, because they were my rocks during this period of hell. My friends, bless them, supported me through everything. Nina wasn't around much, so I assumed she was with Tony.

I felt guilty about my last encounter with Tony. The last time I saw him was at the hospital, on the day of the accident. I texted him multiple times but he wasn't responding. I knew that Tony hated texting and calling on principle, but that didn't help my anxiety. I was losing control over my own life, and it terrified me.

"Mallory."

I looked up at Cleo, who was framed in the door and looking worried. Somewhere in my mind, I felt bad because I was the reason for her stress. Then I couldn't bring myself to care. I felt too depressed to think rationally anymore. I was too innately selfish to care about anyone.

"Do you want to go out?" she asked tentatively. "We could dress up, get some takeout."

My mood plummeted from just thinking about leaving the room. "I'm sorry, Cleo, but I'm not in the mood."

"Please don't shut yourself away. I know it's really difficult right now, and you want something familiar and you're probably confused and scared, but you're not alone. You really aren't. Nick and I, we're always here for you. Tony and Nina too."

"Really? Then where are they? Why are you the only person here?"

"It's not like that; Tony has to be there for his brother. And Nina has to support both of them."

I laughed under my breath. "I'm really glad for that. So I don't factor in anyone's list of priorities? Great."

Cleo looked visibly hurt by my vindictiveness. Then her expression sharpened, and I knew she was going to give my rudeness right back to me.

"You factor in my list, Mallory, because you're important to me. I'll always have your back. You should realise that soon, because otherwise you're going to really lose us. Don't lose sight of what used to be important to you." Cleo said quietly. She looked at me unsurely and left the room.

I was so disoriented. I looked up at the ceiling, trying to ignore my head spinning as I did so. My throat felt like it was closing up, and tears seeped onto my cheeks. I barely noticed them as they fell, because I cried every night after the accident. Call it mourning, if you will.

I used to be communicative with my thoughts, with my loved ones, but it was hard to get a word out now. The problem was the constant fluctuations in pity; one moment, everyone was there, the next it was just me. I was so lost.