He's Finally With Me

Oh, Autumn,

Late in the night, I hear footsteps in the hallway. I roll over and look at the door. It opens slowly.

"Finny?" I say. There is silence.

"Oh, Autumn," my mother says.

~

I shrug on my zip up warily, eyes puffy and red all round. Ever since my mother told me about the crash, I was a huge mess. Unsure of it all.

Anxiety has taken storm of my body, my brain on autopilot as I get prepared to go to the hospital. I slip on my socks.

From what my mother plus Aunt Angelina said, Finny had crashed. He had crashed in the rain; he had gotten hurt.

Sylvie flew out of the windshield, apparently. It sounded bad.

"It was horrible, so horrible." Angelina had said to me once they managed to put into words what had happened.

She had been there, she had been with him at the scene. He had to be taken to the hospital, and he was unconscious when they found him. Aunt Angelina said that he hit his head on the steering wheel. That's all she would say.

I tie my shoes on, taking a breather and trying to stop the constant tremble and shake in my hands. Finny was okay, I told myself. He was okay.

The constant pang of guilt still hammered into my gut, the guilt of having not been able to convince him not to go. The worry of him not really being okay after all.

Sylvie got hurt because of me, but more importantly, at least to me, Finny had gotten hurt, too.

If he had been with me, maybe it would have been different. He wouldn't have been hurt. Sylvie wouldn't have been, either. Not at all.

In another universe, he could've gotten hurt worse. He could've died.

I couldn't even think like that, much less verbalize it. I had to stop thinking so negatively, and I tried to remind myself about my mother's words. My mother's words to "not be so negative all the time," she had said.

I quickly shake my head, returning to the task at hand and putting my hand on the doorknob. Willing myself to open it.

Ready to face my fears of seeing Finny hurt and to put away those thoughts for good, I tug open the door and walk down the hallway. The thumps of my newly tied shoes followed me.

"Autumn, are you ready?" My mother asked in a just loud enough tone once I had made it to the kitchen. Her eyes were sad, too.

She was perched on a chair next to Angelina, a hand on the other women's back as Finny's mother's gaze resembled my own a little too much.

"Yeah." I choked out, using the back of my wrist to wipe at my own tear filled eyes. I needed to be strong, and not just for Finny.

For The Mothers, too.

"Okay hun. Let's get a move on, then." My mother offered a weak, wet smile as she nudged Angelina and we made our way to the driveway. It was still pouring and depressing outside.

Just like it was when Finny left.

I opened the backseat door, sliding into the seat and slamming the door back in place behind me. I make sure to buckle.

Angelina sits in the passengers seat, and my mother goes behind the wheel and starts the car up. It looks like my mother had to take charge and comfort this time, not Angelina.