Destined Love

Chapter 3- Lisa

The last two weeks were no less than hell. From attending workshops to hands-on training, it was such a hectic schedule, well, pathetic would be more appropriate. The only thing bearable was my time in the pediatric ward because there was nothing compared to the feeling of being around kids. I was expecting to explore London since it was my first time there, but I could hardly visit any place. The weekend I got there was my escape. I visited Regent's Park. I've heard about their open-air theater, but none of the activities that include fun are a part of my life anymore. Being a doctor was never my choice, but the day I decided to be one, becoming a pediatrician was the only thing I had on my mind. No matter how shitty your day or life is, kids at the hospital never fail to drain out the sorrow despite what state they are in themselves and this is something I desperately need in my life to survive. Kids are my lifeline. I feel alive again after being around them. No happiness in the world can be replaced by those priceless smiles I receive from the little ones. I wandered for hours in the Regent's Park and sat beside the lake. The sight was calm and peaceful beside the crowd. I love sunsets, but this one seemed special. I took a place near an old couple and grabbed my diary from my tote. I brought my laptop too because I still have to keep up with Chicago Hospital, where I have a permanent job, but the sight was so mesmerizing that all I wanted to do was to get lost in the moment. I always keep colorful pointers with me. I don't know why, but writing with these relieves some of the stress. I opened the page from where a white feather was placed. It's been quite a while since I've written anything. The diary holds a sentimental importance as it has witnessed the most dreadful experiences of my life. There might be a few good entries as well. But only a few! I removed the cap from the pen and placed the tip in the top left corner. I am not sure what to write, but I'll give it a shot.

It's been seven years since Enzo left. Disappeared actually! He left without saying anything and kept me waiting till the date. I didn't have any closure. Maybe that's the reason I'm not able to move on. I'm still holding onto the hope that he'll come back one day even though there's not even the slightest chance of him coming back to me. I meant nothing to him when he meant everything to me. He's damaged me to the point where I can no longer be fixed. He has shattered my soul into a million pieces and I cannot reconcile them. He left scars on my soul so deep that they can no longer be healed. He left me to the point where I can no longer trust anyone including myself, insecure enough that I've lost all the confidence I once had. My smile doesn't reach my eyes. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy because when I am, I feel so guilty about it that I start being anxious which grows to the point where I want to throw up. I barely sit with people because the random episodes of panic are something I cannot handle even when I'm alone, let alone be around people and it's become so obvious that everyone around me feels it. I hate myself for loving him to every inch of my soul and giving him all the love my heart could hold. I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive him for what he did to me and most importantly I cannot even hate him even when I want to because even if he realizes, he cannot return the time I've waited for him, or the suffering and pain every time I felt so helpless and hurt. His apologies won't fix the damage he has done to me. But that's another case because I don't see a single reason why he would realize what he did and come back to fix or let alone apologize. I don't know how long I'm gonna stay like this. I wonder sometimes if ever I'd be able to heal and live normally as I used to before I met him...

I closed the diary and put it back in my bag. The sunset was beautiful yet the emptiness inside me didn't allow me to feel anything. I went back to my apartment because I'll be leaving straight from the hospital tomorrow so I needed to pack my stuff. Even though there wasn't much to pack since I just bought one single bag, still when a woman travels, she carries the world in her bag.

After landing back in Chicago, the first thing I did was go straight to my neighbor, Mona. She and her family are like family to me. Mona is twenty-years-old and she's also an only child so she lives with her parents. They all made me feel at home since the day I moved here around a year ago. Mona is a foodie and since I love to cook, she often visits me to try the experiments I do with food. For the past month, Mona has visited my apartment every weekend and we spend the whole day cooking because she's getting married by the end of this year and according to her, her mother's recipes won't be enough for her to impress her husband so we try cuisines from different cultures and whatever works for us, we write it down. Mona called me in the morning to let me know that the parcels that I ordered have arrived and I should pick them up as soon as I come back because they'll be leaving for a short trip to Bosnia for two weeks tonight. I picked up the parcels and went to my apartment. Technically I should be tired, but for me, sleeping requires more effort than climbing Mount Everest. I made myself a cup of coffee and started unboxing the parcels. They were not too much but enough to minus a considerable portion from my monthly paycheck.

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So, readers, this was Lisa! Please vote and let me know your reviews. The story is going to be fun and you're going to love it. Just be patient and give it a chance.

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