Can't you feel my heart beating? (Gabenath)

Chapter 9

Gabriel sits at the kitchen table, raising the lighter upwards to ignite the cigarette in between his lips. The second the lighter meets the tip of the cigarette the area fills with smoke and the smell of tobacco dominates the room.

He takes slow and lengthy drags, trying so hard to control his nerves as he feels himself slipping away.

He feels miserable, even more than before. The past weeks have been nothing but hell, filled with continuous sleepless nights and loneliness. Because now he doesn't only cry for his dead family but he also cries for... her.

———

To Gabriel, this feels like a nightmare.
He feels stuck in some type of made up situation where he's being obligated to see the things he so desperately wants to avoid. Because Gabriel knew from the start that his weakness towards Nathalie would bring too many complicated emotions to his heart.
And now he realizes that it's his own fault, and that he should've never allowed the things to escalate between them. But there was no holding back when he kissed her lips because only then was it when he felt free. Free of those horrible feelings of depression and misery. Those feelings that have been haunting him for years.

———

He should've known better than to continue his night ventures in her bedroom. But he was a fool, and now he's paying the consequences of his weakness. Because now, Gabriel feels worse than before.

It's been weeks since the last time he had proper sleep. Weeks since the last time he heard her voice, and weeks since he saw her face.

Gabriel had become used to her presence. He'd become used to seeing her morning grogginess under the dim light of her bedroom. And even if he never showed it, Gabriel had slowly begun to care for her.

Her absence has created a new throbbing pain in his heart because Gabriel Agreste has never felt as lonely as he feels now. He hates feeling like this and he hates the fact that Nathalie's absence is destroying him.

———

He recalls the look of betrayal in her eyes on their last night together. It's as if the words that left his mouth strided straight into her heart and hit the most sensitive part of it.

They crushed her, and Gabriel knows it.

He's gone over that night a thousand times over the past weeks, and no matter which way he looks at it, Gabriel knows he hurt her.

But he can't imagine reacting any differently after the doctor's revelation.

14 weeks is a long time. Too much time actually.
Time where they were utterly lost in one another to even notice the life that had begun to grow inside of her.

She's further along now, and the thought of it causes his heart to sink.

———

He huffs harshly and stabs the end of his cigarette on the ashtray, putting it out and watching the smoke slowly fade. He then roughly pushes the tray away and watches it smash onto the floor.

His sleep deprived body slides off the tall kitchen chair as he begins to walk around the long kitchen island. His nails scratch the marble countertop, and desperation suddenly fills him once again.

"A baby..." He mumbles in continuous disbelief.

"A baby." He says louder this time.

His heavy steps take him back to the tall chairs, and his hand grasps the back of the fine smooth leather.

"A baby!" He screams at the top of his lungs. His raspy voice echoes in the overly quiet kitchen. He then knocks over the tall chair with great force.

And then again, and again until every chair lands on the floor. The desperation within him guides him to the nearest kitchen cabinet where his hand reaches inside to pull the glass cups out.