Can't you feel my heart beating? (Gabenath)

Chapter 8

They walk out of the hospital in absolute silence. She walks behind him, trying to follow his rapid pace but it's nearly impossible, Gabriel's moving like a bolt of lightning.

She can see the car parked in the parking lot, but somehow it still feels very far away. She's walking incredibly fast, and her legs have begun to ache and she thinks she won't be able to continue for much longer so she slows down. Her feet begin to drag against the pavement, and her chest begins to heave as she feels herself running out of breath.

Gabriel turns around, hearing her heavy breathing entering his ears. He finds her slouched over with her white hands pressed against her knees.
"Nathalie?" He calls, a little startled by the view.
"Are you okay?" He asks.
But she doesn't answer, and her silence frightens him enough to cause him to run towards her to render assistance. He wraps his arms around her, lifting her off the ground as he begins to walk them back towards the entrance of the hospital.

"No..." She says with a raspy voice, seeing where he's headed, "I'm fine... I'm just... exhausted." She finally says. Gabriel looks at her face so close to his, and simply begins to walk them back towards the vehicle.

———

When they get to the car, Gabriel is quick to place her into the passenger's seat. He then hops onto the driver's spot and starts the ignition. Nathalie's surprised to see that he drove here, it's something he hasn't done in a very long time.

Gabriel drives the car through the dark streets of Paris, as his eyes stay fixed on the road ahead of him. It's hard to see his expression given how late it is but the tension that surrounds them is enough to cause an emptiness in her chest.

It feels like they've been driving forever and the silence is quite literally suffocating her that when she hears him groan, it startles her completely. Nathalie turns to face him, immediately noticing how his hands desperately search his pockets. His foot unconsciously presses on the accelerator, causing them to travel faster than normal but he makes no attempt to slow down.
"Gabriel?" She calls with a panicked voice.
"Ugh!" He stops the car in the most abrupt way possible, and storms out slamming the door behind him. Nathalie is so confused, she has no idea what he's doing. She watches him walk onto the sidewalk and dig his hands into his pockets to then take out a pack of cigarettes.

He lights a cigarette and smokes it in the most torturous and slowest way possible. And when he's done with it he throws it on the floor, steps on it and takes another one out and repeats his previous actions.

Nathalie cannot take this anymore, so she jumps out of the car and goes to where he's standing.
"What are you doing?" She asks him, but he has his back turned to her and he doesn't respond.
"Gabriel?!" She exclaims again as she puts her hand on his shoulder and turns him around, forcing him to look at her.
"What do you want, Nathalie?" He asks with a tired sigh. "Can't you see I'm smoking a cigarette?" She's left almost dumbfounded with his response, they've just found out they'll become parents and all he cares about is smoking a cigarette.

"Are you serious?" She asks in disbelief.
Gabriel looks at her with sudden wonder in his eyes as if trying to read her mind, "What do you want?" He asks, throwing the cigarette far from them and into a puddle of water.
"What do I want?!" She echoes in desperation,
"... l want you to tell me something, to not keep quiet this time, and actually speak to me."
Gabriel looks at her with anger, her words have caused a sudden resentment in him that he's no longer able to hide.
"What do you want me to tell you, huh?" There's a slight chuckle to his voice. "Do you want me to congratulate you because you're going to have a baby?"
Those words are like a slap on her face, something she never wanted to hear, yet they still echo in the darkness.
"How dare you tell me that...?!" She says with tears in her eyes, "I never wanted any of this yet, I'm standing right here having this conversation with you..."
He doesn't say anything to her, he knows he shouldn't have said that, but he makes no attempt to redeem himself.
"This baby isn't just mine..." she whispers, "this is ours..."
"No!" He barks, making her flinch, "don't say that..."
"Why?" She asks, "Why can't I say that, Gabriel, if it's only the truth?"
"No!" He yells again, striding towards her and grabbing her wrist, "you can't say that on the death anniversary of my baby and his mother." He's crying now, huge tears wetting his cheeks.
"Do you want me to be happy about it?" He asks with bitterness in his voice.
"Let go of me, Gabriel." She says, trying to pull away from him.
"Answer my question!" He yells, tightening his grip on her. "No!" She cries, "All I wanted was for you to tell me something... to know that I wasn't alone in this, but I guess I am..." she whispers the last part, and he finally lets go of her.

Nathalie walks back to the car with pain in her heart, and lets her tears run down her face.

"We have to go," she says, "we can't stay here all night." She opens the car door, and waits for him to follow. Gabriel stands there for a few long seconds just staring at her, and when he finally moves, she sees more tears wetting his face.

———

As soon as they arrive at the mansion, Nathalie almost runs up to her bedroom and collapses onto the floor. She crawls towards the long mirror found in her room, and takes off her coat. She lifts up her blouse and stares at her bare stomach.

There's nothing there to indicate that an almost well formed baby is growing inside of her. She feels like an idiot, how can she be this far along without suspecting a thing.

She thinks that perhaps the signs were present, but she was too lost with her own tedious emotions to even notice.
And now she's convinced these past hours have been nothing but a nightmare. Because the intense fear and emptiness crinkling inside of her chest are feelings she's only felt in her worst nightmares.

It had been rather easy to forget everything when Gabriel had held her in between his arms...even if those moments only lasted so long. It had been something like a routine, but deep down they both knew it was something their souls yearned for.

He would slip into her bed in the middle of the night, and not say a word. He would simply search for her lips in the middle of the darkness, and kiss her with all the delicateness of a lover. Other times they'd only embrace one another in utter silence until sleep would take over them. But during the day, neither of them was ever brave enough to speak about it.

They would simply let it happen each time, and now she's hit the fact that it's all over, and probably over in the worst way possible. Because there had been a point where Nathalie had convinced herself that this was okay, even if the logical part of her brain always screamed at her to stop. Because deep down she knew it would end, but she never imagined that it would happen like this. She is now sure that Gabriel truly despises her, because the anger in his words and fire in his eyes were all she needed to see to know that it's truly over.

And the realization of this is so extremely painful.

Nathalie collapses onto the bed, not bothering to change out of her clothes. The tears escaping her eyes aren't only from sadness, but also bitterness and anger.

Angry at herself and at him too.
She feels used by him as she realizes how dumb she was to ever marry him. Perhaps if she hadn't, her heart wouldn't have gained such intense feelings for the man who clearly despises her now and wants nothing to do with her.

Her eyes close as she attempts to lock her mind away from the thoughts that threaten to consume her, but even in her slumber her soul cries for the future that awaits her.

———

When Nathalie wakes, the sun is still masked by the darkness of the sky. But she isn't able to sleep anymore.

She's shed way too many tears, as her eyes feel almost drained from them. Nathalie gets out of bed and takes the suitcase hidden in her closet, and begins to open drawers and pull clothes from hangers, shoving them inside the suitcase.

She then orders a cab, and begins to walk down the staircase with no regard whatsoever for who she might wake.

She finds Placide near the front door,
"Tell Mr. Agreste, I won't be here any longer."
She then walks out the door, trying so desperately to keep her emotions down as she feels so close to an unforeseen future.