Crush - Paige Bueckers

8 - The Choice

Paige

*Flashback* (End of senior year of high school)

I sit on my bed, phone in hand, scrolling aimlessly on instagram. Each swipe is a frail attempt to drown out the torturous tension between Violet and I.

She's sitting beside me, close enough to feel her warmth, yet it feels like there's an ocean between us. The memory of that spin-the-bottle game at Chris's house still lingers, haunting my every thought.

Violet clears her throat, breaking the silence that's been hanging heavy between us. "Hey... thanks for inviting me over, Paige."

I force a smile, even though my stomach is doing somersaults. "Of course, Vi. We haven't hung out in a while."

"Yeah, it's been... different" she says. Her voice sounds nervous, and almost hesitant— as if she regretted saying that.

"Different" I repeat, more to myself than to her. My heart beats faster, and I feel a lump forming in my throat. I need to address the elephant in the room.

"I'm sorry about what happened. At Chris's house."

Violet's eyes pierce into mine. Almost as if she is searching for something within them. "Paige, why did you—"

"I didn't mean it" I blurt out, cutting her off. My voice trembles despite my efforts to keep it steady. "I was scared. I didn't want anyone to think—"

"That you wanted to kiss me?" she finishes for me, her tone sharp, like a knife slicing through my heart.

I wince, her words stinging more than I expected. "Yes" I whisper, my eyes dropping to my bed as tears begin to form. "I wanted to kiss you, Violet. But not like that. Not in front of everyone."

My heart pounds as I admit something I've been trying so hard to ignore. My feelings for Violet. How much I wanted to kiss her that night. How much I couldn't ignore how she made me feel.

"Then why didn't you say something? You could've just told me" Violet asks, genuine confusion laced in her tone.

I don't know what to say. Do I tell her how I feel? Do I finally confess what I've been holding in the moment I first lied eyes on her in the school hallway?

No. I can't. Not yet. "I was terrified" I whisper, my voice breaking. "My parents... if they ever found out, I don't even know what they'd do. I didn't want to lose you."

"Paige, you could never lose me. I just wish you would've trusted me enough to tell me" she tells me, her arm reaching out and squeezing my hands. I squeeze her hand back, interlinking our fingers.

Her touch is warm, reassuring. It sends butterflies throughout my body.

I meet her eyes, and I can't help but smile at her beautiful hazel eyes. "I do trust you, Vi. More than anyone. It's just... complicated."

"I know" she says softly, leaning in closer. "But i'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

As she leans in closer to me, I realize what she's trying to do. But I don't pull away, I accept it. And I'm just glad she had the courage to do this, because I could never bring myself to do it. I'm such a pussy when it comes to Violet.

She continues to lean in closer, our faces now inches apart from each other. My heart pounds at the idea of what's about to happen. I've waited so long for this moment.