Guontiveros Oneshots

Backburner

miss, pedicab ka ba? pedicabang ma-kiss? 🥰🥰🙄🙄👿👿👿🤰🏻🤰🏻🤰🏻❌❌❌👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻☺️☺️☺️😍😍😘😘😘

🧍🏻‍♀️‼️ NOT PROOFREAD ‼️🧍🏻‍♀️

—

Alice’s POV

We all have this person in our lives, Although I wouldn't quite classify them as an ex, they're not quite a lover either. They simply exist. Like an odor in the air that I can never fully get rid of, like a memory. Something unique that we shared was unnamed. Not quite soulmates, but more than pals. Nearly in love, maybe? former partners? Whatever.

A familiar ringtone was heard, I knew it was you—I set that ringtone specifically for you. You were calling me again, but I'm not gonna lie. Even though our situation is complicated, it feels nice that you're calling me.

“You called, may kailangan ka ba?” Before the other line could speak, I spoke again.

“Let me guess, nag-away na naman kayo ni Leni?”

“Paano mo nalaman? Haha” Risa laughs,

“I’ll come there, wait for me. Do you want ice cream?”

“Tinatanong pa ba ‘yan? Oo, ingat ka.” They both chuckled, oh how Alice loved the way she speaks, whenever she laughs, or whenever Alice cracks a joke and She smiles at me—Alice loves everything about her.

Maybe I can turn you into a painting, but I can’t make you love me. It’s always me at your back; a backburner, your backburner. I don’t care if you disappear again, Is it because I love you so much? Sometimes, I think it’s getting hilarious—Why did I agree to be someone’s backburner your backburner.

-

Maybe I'm just not better than this, I haven't tried
Maybe life's less romantic when I don't wanna die
You'd think I'd be a fast learner
But guess I won't ever mind crisping up on your backburner

I was like her cozy blanket to cuddle up when she’s cold. I took calls that I shouldn't have answered. I understood that all I was doing was taking her mind off of her loneliness. But I kept doing it because the little attention you gave me and the sensation of need you gave me was addictive. Even if it was only for a few while, I was craving it. I will confess that I have always craved the feeling of being someone's comfort and someone who matters, even if it was only for a little while.

“Hey, ba’t ’di ka nagrereply?“
“We broke up, Alice. :(((”

It’s gotten to the point when I tried to ignore, and push you away. But I can’t. I remembered when I thought I could get over this, I thought of pushing you away, or maybe.. I should block your number.

You weren't into art, yet I still remember how you made me feel like a masterpiece. I only matter when I’m convenient to you, don’t I? But I don’t really mind, all I can do is shrug as I’m used to it.

Charades yata ‘tong pinasok ko. Hulaan, na ang mga tanong ay puro “Mahal niya nga ba talaga ‘ko? O binibigyan niya lang ako ng sapat na atensyon para paasahin ako?”

Hey, are you still there?
Good.

“You know, Everytime I’m lonely. I keep thinking about you.” Risa stated, she’s drunk.

“Naka-ilang beer ka? Ang dami mong ininom.”

“I mean it, Alice.”

“Talk to me if you’re sober.”

-

Letting go of you hurts. I feared that my life wouldn't be as romantic without you. Yes, I play in that manner. I dig my own “love and thrills” grave, even though I know I should have abandoned this behaviour. You expected that I would move on from you eventually and that I was a quick learner. But hey, what do you know? I don't exactly pick things up quickly. Never the first choice, never the second choice, just an option—It was pathetic, but okay, as long as it was you, It’s fine. I suppose misery likes company.

Pero kung tutuusin mo, isang tawag mo lang, nand’yan na agad ako sa tabi mo. Pupunta at babalik pa rin ako sa’yo kahit hindi mo ’ko hanapin.

‘Di ko alam kung ano ang iyong na sa isipan, pero uunawain kita kahit ang hirap mong basahin. Kung nag-aatubili ka, iintindihin kita, yayakapin kita nang buo kahit ano pang lamat ang meron ka.

“Get over her already!” is what everyone says. I broke my friendships with people who didn’t get along with her. Defended you from my parents. She was beyond help. I gave her everything I had. I turned into someone I shouldn’t have been. But every time she calls… ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶s̶w̶e̶r̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ . I always will, of course, answer it.

“Nangugulila ako sa ‘yo”, She says. She look ugly when she cry. She’s both lucky and pathetic.

And now there are just what ifs and buts. What if I had said something else? If she had seen what I did, what might have happened? What if she just woke up one day and realized that I was the one? I envision her coming back, begging for another chance and overflowing with regrets and promises. I see her missing all the emotions I provided her, including love and laughter. I wonder whether she ever considers me, if she is going through the same suffering that I am.

Maybe I believed that she would eventually see me the way I saw her if she stayed a little longer. Maybe then she’ll appreciate me and give me what I deserve. Maybe it was my parents’ fault, the way my mother kept bleeding my stride and my father couldn’t keep his eyes straight. Maybe they’re the reason I keep chasing ghosts like this.

I can cry out, “I hate her!” But even that is a lie that vanishes into thin air. She’s not someone I can ignore, forget, or move on from. Deep down, I know I’m stuck. No matter how much she messed up, she will always have a special place in my heart. I always forgive her, every. single. time. Why? I am drawn to her warmth like a moth to a flame, knowing it would only singe my wings. She wasn’t the only one who couldn’t be helped. I am also. I was just unable to accept that. Or maybe I just don’t know anything better.

Malamang sa paningin ng iba, isa akong tanga, at sila’y nagtatanong na, “Paano niya hindi nakikita ang mga palatandaan na ‘di siya mahal ng mahal niya? O kay dami na ng hudyat na tumigil na siya. Kailan ba siya matututo?”

Bagaman lumilipad ang oras, kahit kailan ay hindi ‘to naging sayang nang ilaan ko ito lahat sa’yo. Ngunit, kailan nga ba ako ko matututo? Akala ko pa naman mabilis akong matuto. Alipin mo na talaga siguro ako.

All I know is loving someone shouldn’t be hard, right? But then again, it’s you — that explains it all.

Lagi mong tatandaan na ginusto ko ‘to at ‘di mo rin naman kasalanan na mas mahal mo siya. Siguro mas madali siyang mahalin, ano? Ang swerte niya — siya na nga umalis, siya pa rin ang patuloy na minamahal ng iniwan niya.

At kung sakaling huminto ako, na alam kong imposibleng mangyari kasi ni hangin hindi kayang tangayin ang nakakubli sa puso ko, sana’y ‘wag kang lumayo.

—

rushed, again not proofread :)

eyy sa mga backburner d’yan 🤙🏻🤙🏻

I’ll probably update tomorrow, malapit na pasukan (I also apologize if my writing style keeps changing ☹️🙏🏻, sabagay journalism ba ’to? HAHA joke.)

ig: aerchndesu 🧍🏻‍♀️