STARSTRUCK LOVE || [MxM]

11. Mixed Feelings

Seo Joon’s POV

My thoughts are keeping me awake for the entire night. What happened last night was shocking. Ki Seok kissed me. It was not just a peck on the lips, it was a deep intense kiss. The kiss happened right when we were talking about the person he loves. Did he take me for his lover? He was already drunk and could barely speak coherently when we kissed. I kissed him back. I am embarrassed. I should have just pushed him away since I was well aware that he was talking of his love. Why did I just go with the flow? It was my first kiss, albeit with the person I love, but I did not want it to be like this. I might regret it for my entire life.

First kisses are always special. Mine was special in the sense that I love Ki Seok and being so passionately kissed by him was so fulfilling. I can still feel that my lips are sore. He is a good kisser and I already knew that when he was enacting the kissing scenes for the drama.

I could barely take him to his bed. He was so wasted that he just dropped on my shoulder after kissing me. As he lay on the bed, I kept staring at his swollen lips. I wanted to kiss him again; the urge to hold him in my arms was so strong but I knew better. I just sat there holding his hand- it felt so warm. He snuggled and pulled me towards him. I lost balance and my lips were on his cheek. I wanted to stay with him, snuggle him, keep him safe, but I just got up and put the blanket over him, and left the room quietly. Since then, there has been a battle between my restless heart and my logical mind.

My phone rings- it is Ki Seok. I just let it ring. What am I to talk to him? He was drunk last night, I was not, and I still kissed him back. He might think that I have taken advantage of his drunken state.

I am still thinking about all possible explanations to provide to Ki Seok if he remembers our kiss from last night. I have to come up with an excuse. Just then I hear a knock on my door. I get up to check who it is. I find Ki Seok standing outside.

“Why are you not answering your phone? I have a splitting headache. Can you do something about it?”
We are still standing at my door which is partially open. I cannot let Ki Seok in my bedroom. It has too many things to indicate how important he is to me, and what he means to me.

“Won’t you let me in?” He tries to get past me.

“No one is ever allowed in my room,” I push him back. I step out and close the door behind me.

“Let’s get you some honey water first and then we can have hangover soup.” I take him by his arm to the dining area.

“Here have this.” I pass the glass of honey water to him.

“Thanks. Won’t you have some?"

“Nope I am fine.”

I am drunk in his love and honey water can’t cure it. To be honest I was up the whole night thinking about us. My eyes are red due to lack of sleep.

“Why are your eyes red? Are you having a headache or did you not sleep last night?” Ki Seok comes closer to check my eyes. I instinctively take a step back as the memories of the previous night come rushing to my mind. Let’s keep distance, I remind myself.

“Why are you behaving like this? Has something happened?” Ki Seok keeps pestering. I avert his gaze.

“You know I had this strange dream last night,” he continues, “I was passionately kissing the person I love.”

“Really?” I ask him.

“Look at my lips, they seem a bit swollen.” He comes closer pouting his lips. I shrink a bit backwards, but just then, he holds my arm. He observes my face with a confused look. “Come to think of it, your lips seem swollen to me.” Ki Seok touches my lips.