STARSTRUCK LOVE || [MxM]

14. Painful Past

Ki Seok's POV

I look into Seo Joon's eyes for my answer. I need to get rid of the burden that I have been carrying. If I want to start a life with Seo Joon, he has the right to know about my past which I have kept buried deep inside me. The only person who knows about my past is CEO Bae Joong In, but he too does not know the whole truth. The truth, which has given me sleepless nights, the truth the burden of which is too heavy to carry now.

I need to trust Seo Joon with my past. If I have known him correctly for the past few days, I am sure he will accept me with my fears.

Seo Joon is squeezing my palm now. I am assured that my secret will be safe with him. I want him to accept me with my past, accept me the way I am.

"Seo Joon, I am going to tell you why I chose to become an idol." I start telling him.

"Was it not what you always wanted to be?" he asks.

"Not really." I am nervous and twitching his fingers. This is my last chance to decide whether I should go ahead with telling Seo Joon about my past. I put my fears aside as I confide in him.

"As a kid I spent most of my holidays with my grandmother." I continue.

"Most kids do that." It seemed so obvious to him.

"I was in a different situation. My parents were always busy. They were starting up a business and they spent all their time engrossed in their work. I would not see them for days together, even though we lived in the same house. A lady would cook for us, and that is what I ate at home. The food was almost always cold." I continued.

"No wonder you enjoyed eating fresh food at our home." Seo Joon said.

"During my holidays I would be packed to my grandmother's. She was the most wonderful person I have known. She would talk to me the whole day, get me involved in her work. She made sure I was never alone. She made sure that I got hot food to eat. Despite her age she was never tired of taking care of me. She understood my loneliness more that my parents. It seemed like all they cared about was their business. They provided me with everything except their presence, which I yearned the most."

"Oh." Seo Joon looks unsure as to what to say to provide me with some solace.

"During one such holiday, I had gone to stay with my grandmother, I was only thirteen then. A boy had come to live next door. He was a few years older than me. Since I was a teenager now, my grandmother told me to be friends with other boys and not remain confined in the house. It must have been just a few days after I had come to speak with the boy, when something unexpected happened."

I am crying now- the pain is back. Seo Joon takes me in his arms. My tears start flowing at his gentle touch.

"Please stop if it is giving you so much pain. There is no need for you to tell me anything." His gentle hands pat my back.

"I need to tell you. It has taken me a lot of effort to open up to you. I want you to know this part of my life." I say between sobs.

He holds me away from him and fills a glass of water. "Here, have this first." He hands me the glass. I take a few sips of water between sobs.

"Are you feeling better now?" He holds my chin and wipes the tears away. "Why don't we talk about it tomorrow?" he suggests.

"I might not be able to speak about it tomorrow. Let me just tell you now. It is either now or never."

Seo Joon holds my hand again. It gives me the strength to continue.

"The holidays were almost over, maybe seven days were left for school to start. The boy next door became really friendly with me. One afternoon when he was alone at home he called me to his house to play video games. Since my grandmother was taking her afternoon nap, I agreed to join him. We were sitting next to each other. All of a sudden I could feel his hands on my thighs, I did not think much of it. I thought it must have been a mistake. But it happened again. This time I moved away from him. He just smiled at me, but it happened again after a few minutes. This time I got up. I told him I was leaving. I did not realize that he had closed the door. He tried to get close to me. He told me that he liked me. I was still too young to know about my sexual preference, his confession came as a shock. I did not know how to respond except that I needed to get out of there. I started to open the door, but he pulled me and pushed me on the bed. He pounced on me and tried to kiss me. I tried to shout, but he covered my mouth with his hand. I could sense the lust in his eyes. He tried to pull out my t-shirt as I tried to resist. In this tussle he scratched my chest and back. I was scared and started crying. He told me that I wouldn't be able to leave his place without satisfying him. I cried, pleading him to let me go. Just then I heard a knock on the door. I looked at it and so did that boy. I dropped the vase which was on the table. The knocking increased now there was no option but to open the door. It was my grandmother, she had come looking for me. When he heard my grandmother's voice he let me go but threatened me that if I spoke a word about this to anyone, he would deal with my grandmother once I was gone."