Never Meant (Kellic) // boyxboy

11: Don't Tell Me To Pretend

I can't move. I can't scream or cry. My alcoholic breath barely meets his ear as I try to beg him to stop. I'm completely paralysed, my body doesn't even feel like mine right now. Hands that just yesterday were holding me so sweetly are sloppily pulling my pants down. Lips that were whispering 'I love you's are telling me to 'shut up and stay still'. I never completely felt safe around him, and now I know why. The music downstairs vibrates against the closed door and it all feels like a world away. I wish I hadn't let him bring me here, I wish I hadn't let him convince me to drink with him, I wish I hadn't let him take my hand and lead me up the stairs. I'm to blame for all of this. I let this happen.

I wake up in a sweat, my heart trying to leap out of my chest. I sit up, just to make sure I can. The simple movement assures me that it was all just a bad dream, a memory. No matter how many times I'm sucked back into that nightmare, I'll never get used to it, it'll never get easier.

"You okay, Kells?" 

Vic's voice startles me. He's sitting at his desk once again, seemingly putting together another one of his mixtapes.

I nod and wipe a tear that slips down my cheek. It's then that I notice the IV is gone. It must have been taken out while I was sleeping.

"Yeah, sorry, just a nightmare." I breathe.

"What was it about?" he frowns, deeply.

The question catches me off guard but I'm quick to lie.

"That stupid movie you made me watch." I lie as another tear slips down my cheek. I swat it away again.

"Hey, you suggested it." Vic chuckles, standing up from his desk. He climbs into bed next to me and I instinctively move into his arms, craving his safe touch. He holds me tightly and rubs my back. I let a few more tears go.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you." he murmurs.

"You're going to protect me from an ancient demon?" I sniff, amused by his words.

"Of course. I've seen that movie enough times. I could do it." He hums confidently.

"If anyone could, it'd be you." I sigh softly.

We fall into silence as I relax into his chest. I can hear his heart beating, thudding loudly at a speed similar to mine when I was frightened just moments ago.

"Your heart is beating so fast." I point out.

I feel him take a deep breath and exhale.

"'Cause you make me nervous." He mumbles in response.

I'm surprised by his confession.

"I make you nervous?" I frown. How can I make The Vic Fuentes nervous?

He hums. "Do I make you nervous?" he asks softly.

I pull back from his arms and shake my head.

"Not anymore," I admit, "you make me feel safe."

He smiles which causes me to look down at his lips. I know I shouldn't do it. But he's so close to me right now, holding me so gently, saying the sweetest things, like he always does. I'm reminded of kissing him earlier. Everything just felt right when his lips were on mine. I finally felt okay.

I take a deep breath and look away, thinking I've conquered the desire, but Vic places his hand on my cheek, and with that, it's all over for me. I lean in and kiss him softly. He's hesitant to kiss back but I place a reassuring hand on his face. He rests his hand on top of mine and pulls me closer with his other, no longer holding back.

There is not a single thought in my mind, just pure feeling. I don't worry about the implications of my actions or the shitty week I've had. I just let myself dissipate beneath his kiss, feeling lighter than I've felt in a long time, maybe ever.