You Heard Me Correctly, Mr Parker

dear monday, go step on a lego

Peter didn't know when Ned would ask the question, he just wished it was soon.

Ever since he had told Ned that he had quit being an intern at SI, he could tell Ned had been bursting with the question: why?

For all his kindness and thought, Ned hadn't let himself ask and Peter was grateful. That way he didn't have to talk about that night at the lake, he didn't have to admit his failure, his embarrassment, his childish shame.

But he also knew it was stressing Ned out. He was curious by nature, and for Peter to keep this secret- another secret- from him felt downright cruel.

On the positive side, they had more time for Lego and clubs now. At least once a week- often more, Peter invited Ned over to rebuild the Death Star that Ned had smashed the night he discovered Peter's secret.

And even as they peacefully sat on the floor surrounded by miniature bricks and buttons, Peter could feel the tension from Ned in shocks of his spider sense.

"So... Ned," Peter began, trying to fill the silence, "What's up?"

Ned almost jumped, like he was lost in his head until Peter spoke.

"Oh, not much you don't already know about. We've actually gotten to spend so much time together recently that you're completely caught up dude! That's awesome!"

Peter smiled and nodded but there it was again. That feeling, that dread and guilt of hiding something from someone you know cares. He felt like he was lying, pretending he was innocent and sweet, as if he hadn't driven Mr Stark right out of his life for something as insignificant as dignity.

"Yeah," Peter placed a grey rectangle, continuing the line he had started.

"We've gotten to do so much! Like, look at this, it's almost done in barely any time! So cool!" Ned gushed but Peter could feel his energy, the way he hurriedly tried to cover himself and Peter could tell Ned thought he had slipped up by mentioning what he thought was the unspeakable. And that was when Peter realised it wasn't. At least not to Ned.

He had thought about it enough now, overthought to the point of total neurological pruning (if he were a regular human) that he knew he needed to share with someone.

"It's okay Ned," he said, "You can talk about it. And even- and if you want to, even... ask."

Ned paused. He slowly looked up from the lego he was placing to study Peter's face.

"How did you-?" he began.

"I can just tell," Peter explained quickly, "And I've come to the decision I need to share. So whether you're gonna ask or not, I need to say it."

"Oh okay," Ned nodded slowly and Peter could tell he was still trying to be cautious, "Um, what- what happened that night Peter? What- why did everything go wrong?"

Peter felt anxiety wash over him like a salty wave, crushing him and trying to push him down. He took a deep breath, reminded himself of his position on land, placed the final lego in his row of grey rectangles, and opened his mouth to explain.

<>*<>*<>

Peter tried to take a deep breath.

The rushing water in his ears or the whispering of his classmates mixed and muffled his head. The lights blurred and he closed his eyes, squeezing tight. A steady chant sounded in his head, No, no, no, no.

But it wasn't steady enough for Peter to grasp onto to keep his feet on the ground and his head from the storm clouds.

He pressed his hands to his eyes, feeling the pressure force feeling to rush down his body. There was a hand on his arm, squeezing gently. There were more hands pushing against him. Like metal hands. Wait- no, just the one. Peter squinted his eyes open and saw MJ's face in front of his. She was whispering softly, holding him up.