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Boundaries & Bonding

"Wait what?" "But I don't want the whole school to think we're dating-" "You actually agreed?", he asks, confused. I guess I'm confused too. "Er..yes." "I'm not complaining, I'm just surprised because I didn't think you'd even take what I said seriously. Why?" "Why what?" "Why did you agree? I mean, what benefit does it have for you?" I couldn't just simply tell him that I really REALLY like his best friend and want him to be clear about his feelings. Right? No I couldn't. I shouldn't. That wouldn't end well. "Well there is someone I like and maybe me being with someone else would make him more aware of his feelings to me. If there are any." 

He responds with silence. His look feels like judgement at its finest. "That is the most delusional thing I've ever heard, but hey, you do you. Soo who is he?" He can't just call me delusional and then move on like he didn't. "I really don't appreciate you calling me delusional, but I can't tell you who he is. I don't want him to find out." "I would never tell him! We probably don't even talk, I mean, I don't have a ton of friends." 

How fortunate. Not. 

"Still, I won't tell you and you have to stop asking. That's the first rule of this whole agreement." That will get him to stop asking. He needs this more than me. "Rule?", he asks. "Yes rule. We should discuss the risks and boundaries." 

"Okay, I see. The first rule should be that we can't tell anyone. Besides maybe our closest frien-" "NO! I mean.... we shouldn't, that would risk this thing getting out." Of course I was already yearning to tell Angelina about this later at our hangout, but if he told Johnny, it would all be over. The whole thing wouldn't have an advantage for me anymore. "If you insist", he says, seemingly frightened by my screaming.

"Is there a boundary of yours I should know of? Because I can't think of one." I have a lot of boundaries I wish I could say, but we're fake dating now so some of those wouldn't make sense. "Could we not make a big deal out of this in school? Oh and we need to discuss where we draw the line at physical touch, 'cause I don't want you touching me weirdly or whatever."

"We need to make this at least a little bit of a deal, otherwise it doesn't make any sense. I don't think anyone will care that much anyway, we're both not the most popular people, so it'll be casual. Oh right, the physical touch thing. Before I do anything I will of course always ask you for permission and console with you, but I don't think I'd have to go further than maybe kissing." 

I've never made out with anyone. I wasn't planning on doing so for the first time with Raed.

"Oh, I do have another rule!", he adds. "You can't form a crush on me. That would cause more harm than good. It would be nice, but just not good for you, since my eyes are fixed on someone else."

How can a person be so stuck up. Why would he think I want him? 

"Well you don't need to worry about that. Do I have to remind you that I'm doing this to get someones attention? I could say the same for you though. New rule, you can't fall in love with me!" I burst out, annoyed that he immediately assumes I will want him. But at least he nods. Fair enough.