Differences

s e v e n t e e n

Savon

It wasn't a good decision to agree for Chris to come over after the news I discovered about him. Now I have to figure out how to survive the night with him here. When I want to curse him out and don't feel bothered to see him right now. It's not even about the fact that they slept together a few times. I'm cool with that, the shit was year before me. Besides, if you knew that era of Zara's life you would understand too why the shit means absolutely nothing to me. Respectfully, she has more A-List bodies that she consented to that I can count. Zara was out there, out there! Few I know of, and clearly most I don't know about. But that's besides the point.

What make me boil inside is that the two of them was in kahoots with keeping it in the dark. Zara ain't make shit better by painting me out to be a damn sensitive nutcase. This situation breeds trust issues, and both of them know how I don't respect that lying shit. What is getting me... is if Chris can't remember the occasion, then why not tell me from the jump?

"You ain't sit down since we got here, you been watching me move around this damn room for the past thirty minutes. Are we going to get in the bed or not?"

He took notice to how I leaned against the dresser with my arms folded. I wasn't even watching him for the most part, I was contemplating how I was going to move on from this and still keep my relationship at the same time.

"You don't want me to get in that bed right now, I'm not about to pretend like I'm not still bothered by this."

"Was the car ride over here explaining every detail of that era of my life not enough? I was a whole other nigga back then, you lucky to get this version of me and not that piece of shit I used to be."

"How do you expect me to trust the shit you say after this, huh? You think a magic wand can be waved and POOF! All is forgiven? You may not be that nigga anymore, but this nigga still looked me in my fucking face that same night when I thought we laid everything out on the table and said that should be everything."    ."

"Savon," Chris became aggravated and begun to smack the back of his hand into his free palm. "I don't remember that fucking girl!" He stopped and settled his hands behind his back. "Do you know how many girls I been through? Don't take that question serious because I promise you won't like that answer either. I said that should be everything, isn't that elusive to some shit I don't know?"

"Bruh!" I became infuriated that I had to button my lip for a moment. "Are you serious, I asked you to do one fucking thing Chris, and you couldn't even honor me that!"

"Why are you still making this shit a big deal? I apologized, I told you I don't remember her. But you keep going on about some old shit. This ain't how I wanted this night to end, I wanted to enjoy you, I missed you after you been babysitting her ass this entire time. We needed that time earlier for us, she not even here but fucking it up still."

"How about I'm going on about how I told you not to play when it comes to me? Maybe you can't tell because I'm yelling right now, but I'm hella hurt! You don't even know that bitch and you thought it would be a good to keep it to yourself?"

"I tried to tell you Savon, I swear I did. Before your other friend called and she rushed you in the house. I knew this shit wasn't going to last hidden. She was already slipping when we went out to eat, I'm assuming that's what that maybe it might comment meant. I wanted to say something first, you deserved to hear from me if you were going to hear it from any fucking body. I swear to you that everything now is on damn table, can we stop this please?" Chris came to me to hold my hand.

But I wasn't going to take his word for it without asking him one more question. "It's one more thing I need on the table... What's in the black bag Chris?"

"What black bag?"

"You know what bag I'm talking about Chris, you take that bag with you everywhere. I'm only asking because I'm peaked my worries. You take that bag in the bathroom with you in the morning, you're jittery beforehand, and after your calm. I touched the bag once and you damn near snatched it out my hand."

"I travel with many bags, I don't know what you could be talking about."

My eyes quickly scanned around the room before he could get a chance to notice I spotted it. I moved past him, but Chris moved quicker. Our hands met opposite ends of the bag, the tug between us caused it to slightly open as he ultimately snatched the bag in his hand.

"You need to calm the fuck down!" Chris said.

But it was too late, an unlabeled pill bottle had hit the floor. But that bag had rattled as if there was more in there. "What is that for?"

"Like I said earlier, don't ask questions you don't want the answer to."

My nerves had unraveled quietly, I became calm, and worried. "Do you take drugs?"

"You know what, I'm about to head out. I came here for you! But I don't need this shit right now, you want to be mad then you can be mad all by yourself."

"I'm not even judging you, I want to know the truth I swear! But if you walk out that door, then you might as well walk out my life."

"Done, say less. Before I leave, I wanted to give you this. I wanted to celebrate under better circumstances, but you fucked that up." He said handing me an envelope. "I'm gone!"

Never been one to beg, so I let him walk. Avoiding the question only gave me an answer. Chris left out the AirBnB without speaking another word. All night I had to mentally prepare not to see him in the studio anymore, or at my house. It upset me so much, I did cry. I had adjusted to being with him, I opened myself up after being closed off for so long. I only wanted to the truth.

Before I went to sleep, I opened the envelope. Inside was a check for ten thousand dollars, I assumed for the few songs I wrote for the album. An arrangement of vocals laid, and other contributions I made this far on the album. This was the first I had been credited for work I supplied, and it felt so damn good. But I did wish we could have celebrated my first check together.