Differences

twenty four

Chris

Savon was giving me the evil eye when we made it back to my crib, I know she was anxious to know the smallest detail of shit that I went through. But I knew it would be all bad at this point if I tell her. She doesn't seem like she's in an understanding mood right now.

"You going to tell me what I want to know or you going to make me beg?" Savon asked comfortable as she sat in the cut for the sectional.

Before I began I took a final sip of my drink before I reached over to place it back on the coffee table. "Depends, what do you want to know?"

"Before you start, this isn't going to work if you don't choose to be open and honest. I have told you everything about me, but you're continuing to hold back."

"Then how come I ain't know about that nigga at the house?" I stalled.

Savon pursed her lips together, taking a second not to look at me. I sensed her frustration began to brew. "I haven't talked to Bernard in years, he flew into town and seen the house was for sale and decided to stop by. I didn't feel it was a need to mention him, we aren't blood related. He isn't relevant to anything that has happened to me in the last decade. That's just like me meeting Bash for the first time. Don't try and play my intelligence, I'm actually pleading with you. You have never seen me mad, I don't want to go there either! You know everything about me Chris, down to the most intimate details. I haven't hid anything from you, and maybe that's the problem. I left myself too open for you, I'm vulnerable to anything because you know how to finesse around me."

"See, that! That shit right there. How can I move in this relationship if you think I'm going to use every chance I get to manipulate you? I'm not that kind of nigga. I don't have the energy to play games, I'm not sitting here plotting how I can fuck up today! I don't have to waste a single second being with you if I genuinely didn't want to, I have way more important shit to focus on. Please tell me, what have I done to hurt you so far? I'll wait ...." I waited for an answer and received none "Oh, I don't hear you talking? Because it ain't shit you can tell me."

"You haven't personally done anything. I'll give you that. But it damn sure isn't what you did, it's what you said!"

"I apologize, I was fucked up, and I was mad. It was easy for you to walk away from my bullshit and that's not something I'm used to. I didn't understand how we quickly moved from your homegirl situation to you pressing me about my bag."

"You don't see what I see, along with maybe how the rest of the worlds see it too. I wanted to ask you about that bag long before finding out about you and Zara. Your movements are different than years before. You fidget a lot, then it comes to a stop after you do what you need to take care of it. If you don't believe me, watch your interviews. Better yet, look at that clip with you and Lebron James or Lizzo from last year. What is that? Who is that person when he doesn't realize somebody is recording him?" Savon began to drop a tear. "Believe me, I swear I'm not judging. The world weighs down on you enough, I'm not trying to be added to the list. I'm not the person around you who is going to feed you shit you don't need just so I can reap the benefits. I want what is what's best for you. But I want you to see, you need it for YOU!"

Savon hit me, to the point it almost hurt my pride. "I can't explain those clips to you so I'm not even going to try. I know I have a problem, you and everybody else don't have to tell me. I thought I could solve one issue with another, and the shit hasn't been working out too well. I'm bipolar, and I hate that shit. I hate I have to admit it because I feel like it gives validation to the monster people think I am. I try to keep my emotions suppressed. Clearly, I did something right if you couldn't tell from the jump that I was on some shit. I take my meds in the morning to balance me out throughout the day. I don't want to see those clips, I'll take your word for it."