!!! Fucked up writing !!

WOAH!

hey guys pls tell me shit to write I'm so bored ong

"Im getting tired of you" bitch im getting tired of myself, i say as i pick at my eyelashes, i dont understand why i wish i looked worse like is it the universe telling me to kill myself (JOKING!) right? Am I joking or am I just lying to myself to get out of the situation of actually knowing I'm going crazy. I'm not a bad person right? Will i grow up like everyone said i will, i hope i do sometimes, i wish i was my mother doing drugs and having kids at 15 so i wouldn't be a loser anymore i'm so tired of sitting in a room full of my own smell of blood and fear i don't want to have to be a loser, i want to hang out but i leave once i get there so what's the point? I fear ill end it all at 18 because being an adult is scary, like what will happened? What if I can't get a job? What if i still cut myself? What if i get addicted or what if he leaves me for someone else, i giggle a bit thinking about how my entire life would be ruined it's silly to hope my life gets ruined, maybe i'd make the news or maybe someone would actually care about me for once, like isn't that what love truly is?