Dying, Dead (Johnnie Guilbert)

1.7

"Get away from me!" I yelled at Johnnie. "I don't love you anymore!"

"Yes you do!" He gripped onto my waist tightly, so I could feel the bruises already starting to form.

"I hate you, Johnnie!" I started to sob, the image of Johnnie kissing Patricia entered my mind again.

Then all at once everything was gone. The room was white. I recognized my old bedroom with the box I kept my blades in. I opened it and slowly dragged it across my arms, each cut going deeper and deeper.

"Fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, and the only thing that kept me alive, Johnnie."

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I woke up in a cold sweat. Johnnie was peacefully sleeping next to me.

"John John?" The tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. I feel so vulnerable. The urges to have that blade in my palm were back.

"Yeah?" He mumbled in his sleep. I silently cried, "I um go back to sleep." My voice cracked.

Before he could do anything I got up and ran to the bathroom with my phone.

"Babe, are you okay?" I heard Johnnie through the door.

"Would you ever cheat on me?" By now I opened the door and Johnnie was holding me. "No, never."

"Are we ever going to go public?" I asked. The fans still don't know about us. I don't know why he won't tell them.

"Not yet," he replied with the same answer I got all day.

We sat there for a minute before I decided to get ready.

I took a shower, did my hair, and put my makeup on. Johnnie and I are in our clean room, having a kiss war. I think that's whatcha call em.

I kissed his nose, then his cheeks and his lip ring. Since I'm on top of him, I could feel his heartbeat increase. I giggled when his breaths staggered.

"You think it's funny huh?" He asked. I nodded and chuckled. He quickly flipped us over and kissed my neck.

Oh my llama. Don't moan Bella, don't moan. But it was too late. A throaty sound came from, well, my throat. Johnnie couldn't help but laugh.

"Hahaha." I rolled my eyes. "I'm sorry babe." Johnnie tried to get me to look at him but I stayed still. Before he could do anything I put my lips on his, lightly tugging his hair in the process. He looked like he was trying not to moan. Oh my gosh I never thought I would do this. I started to grind my hips into his at a slow pace. A moan escaped his lips and a smirk grew on mine.

"I hate you," He pouted. I looked at his "little friend" and noticed it was bundled up.

"What the fück?" I screamed. My first encounter with a boner and I scream. Nice going Isabella. "Um sorry." He laughed at my expression.

"It's okay, boner boy." I turned red as a tomato. I saw a blush creep into his cheeks too. "Look at us, the awkward couple."

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*Skip 3 months/ warped tour is now over*
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You maybe wondering, are Johnnie and Isabella public now? No, we're not and I'm slightly disappointed. Is he embarrassed to have me as his girlfriend?

"Are you going to visit me?" I asked Johnnie as we reached his house.

"I promise," he kissed my forehead, then my lips. "I'll see you soon, babe."

"Bye, John John." I said as we pulled out of his driveway.

"Okay Ally and Bella get out!" Jordan yelled from the SUV we had before.

"I'll miss you guys," I started crying. I just realized, I won't see them for a long time.

"We'll miss you too." All of them said at the same time. "Okay this has got to be some voodoo doll shit." I laughed at Damon's comment.

"Bye guys." I yelled as they drove off. "BYEEEE!" Damon yelled back.

I unlocked the door to my house since Ally decided to go to her house before Johnnie, she wasn't with me.

"Patti, I'm home!" I yelled, not knowing if she was here or not. I gave her a key and she spends almost all of her time at my house. She pretty much lives here.

"In the kitchen!" I ran to the kitchen and saw three lil shits.

"Hi Connor," I smiled. "Hi dick head mother trucking ass sucking ball licking ass wiping nut fl-"

"Isabella!" Patti interrupted me. Okay then. "Uh- Dallas and I are dating."

"Oh cool, Johnnie and I are dating so..." I wanted her to know that I'm not taking Connor back. I know Patti and I also know where this is going. "Awe that's cool."

"I kiss the scars on her skin,
I still think you're beautiful
And I don't ever wanna lose my best friend." I answered my phone and ran up to my room, completely ignoring Dallas and Connor.

"Yellow??" I answered the phone, not looking at the caller ID.

"Hi baby cakes." I smiled as soon as I heard Johnnies voice.

"What's up?" I asked him.

"Well I wanted to uh hear your voice," he sniffles,"And um I just miss you already."

"Awe I miss you too babe. Have you been crying?"

"Uhh yeah but it's no biggie, I just don't know how to do this."

"Do what baby?"

"Uh I'll um talk to you later, I love you." And the line went dead. I'm kinda curious though. Does he love me? Do I love him? I do. I love his little smile he has when he's lying. And the moans he lets out when you tug on his lip ring. And his laugh. And his beautiful eyes. And how his voice goes from deep to high pitched when I kiss his collarbone. I love Johnnie. I called him back. I need to tell him I love him.

*Ring, Ring*

"This phone is now disconnected. Please try again later." I tried again.

*Ring, Ring*

"This phone is now disconnected. Please try again later." What the hell?

To Johnnie💏: Hey baby I just want to let you know that I love you too...call me ASAP

To Babe💕: I'm sorry

To Johnnie💏: for what? What happened?
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I got ready for bed. Johnnie hasn't texted me back at all. I try calling him but it goes straight to voicemail.

I decided to text Damon to see if he got any messages from Johnnie.

From STARBIESSSS👸🏻: He's acting normal. And yeah his phone works when I call him.

Is Johnnie ignoring me? Did I do something? A few tears left my eyes.

I called Johnnie again and let it ring out. The voicemail thing made a beep.

"Hi Johnnie," my voice cracked. "I um I love you so much I just-" a sob escaped my lips,"I'm sorry if I did something I'm just *sniff* I love you, please call me back." I ended the call and cried myself to sleep.