the space between us 2: a novella | daerin

2

AZALEA

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ANXIETY GNAWED AT ME LIKE A LION would its prey. The ward was teeming with both staff and patients, and my mind was seconds away from completely shutting down.

"The patient in bed 23 needs their bedpan cleaned and their dressings changed," Stephanie, a seasoned nurse with ten years of experience, told me as she passed by the nurse's station.

I nodded. I was just two hours into my shift, but the weight of exhaustion pressed down on my shoulders like my sleep paralysis demon. After working the last three nights with hardly any sleep, I was running on fumes.

While I could maybe manage without the sleep, what I really wanted was to go home to Casper. To see my little Tilly.

There was no use in verbally replying. It was the same as always, and I'd gotten to the point where I'd just do whatever I'd been asked.

As I approached bed 23, I could feel the tension in the air. The patient's family was gathered around, their voices low but intense. I took a deep breath and plastered on a professional smile. I had nine hours left of my shift, I could do this. I just had to get through it all and I'd be home to my two girls in no time.

"Good morning," I said, trying to sound cheerful. "I'm here to change the dressings and clean the bedpan."

One of the family members, a middle-aged man with a stern expression, stepped forward. "What took you so long? My mother has been waiting for hours!"

I tried to remain calm. "I'm very sorry for the delay. We're quite busy today, but I'm here now to take care of her."

"That's not good enough," he snapped. "We've been here for days, and the care has been terrible. You people don't care at all!"

My heart pounded in my chest. "I assure you, we're doing our best to provide the best care possible. I'll make sure she's comfortable right away."

Before I could even start, he continued, his voice rising. "Your best isn't good enough! She's in pain, and you're just standing there!"

I felt my patience slipping. "Sir, I understand your frustration, but yelling won't help the situation. I need to do my job, and that means caring for your mother. Please, let me—"

His palm met the side of my face, and I mustered all the courage within me to stay silent. This was fine, I told myself. It's normal. "Don't tell me what to do! You're incompetent!" he yelled, drawing the attention of other staff and patients.

Stephanie, who had been nearby, stepped in. "Azalea, why don't you take a step back? I'll handle this."

Grateful for the intervention, I nodded and moved away, feeling a mix of anger and helplessness. As I walked toward the nurse's station, I saw the Nurse Unit Manager (NUM) approaching, her expression unreadable.

"Azalea, can I see you in my office?" she asked, her tone neutral.

I followed her, my stomach in knots. Inside her office, she closed the door and gestured for me to sit.

"What happened out there?" she asked, her eyes fixed on me.

"I'm sorry," I began, my voice trembling. "The family member was very upset, and I—"

She held up a hand to stop me. "I understand. But we've had complaints before, and this isn't the first time. I'm afraid I have to take action. You're suspended for two weeks, effective immediately."

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. "But... I was just trying to help."

"I know," she said gently. "This isn't the first time we've had disagreements or arguments with patients or their families. I'm sure not all of them were caused by you—"

Caused by me? What have I done?

"I've been giving this some thought," she continued. "And we need to maintain a certain standard of care and professionalism in the ward. Take this time to rest and reflect. We'll discuss your return after the suspension."

Numbly, I nodded and left her office. The walk back to the staff room felt surreal. I gathered my things in silence, avoiding the eyes of my colleagues. As I exited the hospital, the weight of the suspension settled heavily on my shoulders.

I needed to get home, to Casper and Tilly. They would understand, and maybe together, we could figure out a way to get through this rough patch.

However, when I parked my car outside the apartment, the reality hit me hard and true: I'd been suspended. For the next two weeks, I'd be at home, and the looming worry about how we'd manage to pay the bills and buy necessities without my next paycheck began to gnaw at me.

I glanced up at the window, where the closed translucent curtains allowed a glimpse of Casper at the kitchen counter and Tilly at the table. The scene inside was warm and inviting, a stark contrast to the turmoil churning inside me.

How was I going to tell them? How was I going to tell Casper? Maybe it was best to keep quiet, at least for now. I took a deep breath and steadied myself before getting out of the car.

As I walked to the door, I rehearsed the conversation in my mind, but nothing seemed right. The moment I stepped inside, Tilly's laughter filled the air, momentarily soothing my anxiety.

The smell of breakfast filled the air, wafting into my lungs and making my stomach churn. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten, or if I'd eaten at all. My mind was all over the place, but the sight of my wife brought me a bit of comfort despite the chaos of the last hour.

"Azalea?" Casper's voice was evident with worry. "You're home early," she said, her voice tinged with surprise as she turned to greet me.

I wanted to tell Casper. The words crept up to the tip of my tongue, but then, as Tilly smiled, every last word sank to the pit of my stomach.

I bit the inside of my cheek, my stomach still churning, my mind whirring. It was all too much.

If I'd done better, this wouldn't be a battle I'd have to fight. I wouldn't need to be tiptoeing around my family, but that's exactly what I was doing.