the space between us 2: a novella | daerin

3

AZALEA

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"DIDN'T YOU MENTION LAST WEEK that you'd be working the night shift today?" Avanna asked, letting her knife cut through her sourdough as we sat beneath an umbrella outside a small cafe.

I swallowed the lump that had lodged itself in my throat and hadn't left since I'd gotten home yesterday. "About that," I mumbled, stirring my coffee until it began seeping over the edges. "I got suspended. Yesterday. For two weeks."

The shriek of the knife as she stopped sawing through her brunch made my body jolt. My anxiety made everything feel extra sensitive.

"What?" She held her cutlery in both hands with a certain intensity that made me realise she was just as disappointed as I was. "What are you talking about? You're the best nurse in that ward," she added, quirking a brow.

I shook my head. "No, no, I doubt that," I answered softly, my hunger quickly dissipating. "If anything, I'm the worst nurse in my ward, and I'm actually not shocked that I've been sacked..."

"Sacked? I thought you were just suspended."

"I could be sacked for all I know," I replied. "I'm surprised they didn't take that route rather than just forcing me out of work for the next two weeks."

I glanced at my phone to check the time. The dread of picking up Tilly from school weighed heavily on me. I wasn't ready to face her innocent questions about why I was home so early or why I wasn't at work.

Avanna noticed my unease and reached across the table, placing a comforting hand on mine. "Hey, how about I join you to pick up Tilly? We can spend some time together. It might make you feel better."

I sighed, the tension easing just a little at her offer. "You don't have to do that, Avi. I don't want to drag you into my mess."

"Nonsense," she said firmly. "We're best friends, and friends help each other out. Besides, I could use some quality time with you and Tilly. It's been a while."

I managed a small smile. "Thanks, Avi. I'd appreciate the company."

We finished our brunch, or rather, Avanna finished hers while I poked at mine.

After paying the bill, we made our way to the car. The drive to Tilly's school was filled with light chatter, Avanna's attempt to keep my mind off my worries.

When we arrived, Tilly's face lit up at the sight of us. "Mommy! Auntie Avi!" she squealed, running towards us with her backpack bouncing on her shoulders.

I scooped her up into a hug, the warmth of her small body easing some of the tension in my chest. "Hey, sweetheart. How was school?"

"It was good! We did finger painting, and I made you a picture!" Tilly said excitedly, pulling out a colorful, slightly smudged painting from her backpack.

"It's beautiful, Tilly," I said, my heart swelling with love.

Avanna ruffled Tilly's hair. "I love it! You're such a talented artist."

Tilly beamed at the praise, and we made our way back to the car. On the drive home, Avanna suggested we stop by the park. "Let's let Tilly play for a bit, and we can chat more. It'll be good for all of us."

I agreed, feeling grateful for Avanna's support. At the park, Tilly ran off to the playground, her laughter ringing out as she climbed and slid down the slides.

Avanna and I sat on a bench, watching her. "You know, it's okay to feel overwhelmed," Avanna said softly. "You've been through a lot, and it's not easy to juggle everything."

I nodded, feeling the tears I'd been holding back start to well up. "I just don't want to let anyone down. Especially not Casper or Tilly."

"You're not letting anyone down," Avanna reassured me. "You're doing the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask for."

We sat there for a while, talking about everything and nothing, the weight on my shoulders slowly lifting. By the time we left the park, I felt a bit more at ease, ready to face whatever came next.

By next, I simply meant the walk back to the car, Tilly in my arms as she yawned. "I want to see Mommy," she cooed. "I miss her."

My heart sank. I missed Casper too. I couldn't remember the last time we'd been able to spend some real quality time together.

"We'll be home real soon, baby. We're just going to take Auntie Avi back home. Is that okay?"

Tilly nodded against my shoulder, holding me tighter as we continued to walk back to the car.

"Oh, are you going to work tonight, Mommy?" Tilly then asked. "Will I be alone again?"

"Alone?" I furrowed my brow as I rummaged through my blazer pocket for my car key to unlock the doors. "Mommy will be there. Both of us."

"Both?" Tilly asked, her eyes wide with curiosity.

I glanced over at Avanna, who gave me a reassuring smile.

"Well, yeah. Mommy would be home from the office by now and I—well, I don't have work."

Avanna nodded, making me feel better just by being around. "I'll be home a lot more now," I added, which made Tilly smile.

"Really? You're never really home," she frowned. "It's like I don't see you anymore," she sniffled.

"Oh, Tilly..." I sighed, feeling the weight of her words. I opened the car door and settled her down onto the backseat, buckling her in. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Things have been a bit crazy lately, but I promise I'm going to be around more."

"Promise?" she asked, her big eyes searching mine for reassurance.

"I promise," I said firmly, leaning in to kiss her forehead. "We'll have lots of time together, just you, me, and Mommy."

Tilly smiled, though a hint of sadness lingered in her eyes. "Okay, Mommy."

Avanna and I exchanged a glance, the gravity of the situation settling over us both. We got into the car, and as I drove, Avanna kept Tilly entertained with stories and jokes, easing some of the tension that had built up.

As we pulled up outside Avanna's apartment, she turned to me. "Remember, you're not alone in this, Lea. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call."

"Thanks, Avi. I appreciate it more than you know," I said, giving her a tight hug.

Avanna waved goodbye to Tilly, who waved back enthusiastically. "Bye, Auntie Avi! See you soon!"

We drove home in a comfortable silence, Tilly eventually dozing off in the backseat. When we finally arrived, I carried her inside, her head resting against my shoulder, her breaths soft and even.

Casper was in the living room, her face lighting up when she saw us. "Hey, there you are," she said, coming over to give me a kiss. "How was your day?"

"Eventful," I said with a tired smile. "But I'm glad to be home."

Casper took Tilly from my arms, carrying her to her room and tucking her into bed. I watched from the doorway, feeling a deep sense of love and gratitude for the family we had. Despite the chaos and the challenges, this was my home, and these were the people I cherished most in the world.

As Casper and I settled on the couch, I leaned into her, feeling the warmth of her embrace. "We'll get through this," she whispered, her fingers running through my hair. "Together."

I haven't shared my troubles and doubts with her yet. I know I need to, but I'm not ready. Still, the fact that she can sense I'm not okay speaks volumes about how deeply she loves me.

I nodded, letting out a breath I didn't realise I'd been holding. "Together," I echoed, closing my eyes and finding comfort in her presence. For now, that was enough.