A new beginning

Whatever you need

Nessie's POV

I keep staring at my stupid phone. It was two days later since I came home, 8 days since I last saw or talked to Jake, and I still didn't gather enough courage to call him. He is silent. And it scares me. What does it mean? Why didn't he call? Am I an asshole that I assumed he would? The stupid, short text that I sent that morning was laughing at me.

What could I say? How will he react? I can't downplay this as a one-night stand, I am his imprint. But he said the wolf would be whatever the imprint needs him to be... so this doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, we can turn this around, and have a nice solid friendship.

But pictures of my last night's dream quickly betrayed me. I dreamt about him... again, and it was way too steamy. I needed to have a cold shower in the middle of night. This was ridiculous. No man has ever had this power over me, imprint or not.

Before I could chicken out again, I hit the call button.

Hi. - his deep, husky voice feels like a balm to my anxious thoughts. Hi. - my voice is way to breathy for someone who is just sitting in the garden. We don't say anything for a few seconds, and I feel the need to break the silence.How are you? Great. - definitely cynical.Do you hate me? - the question is out before I have time to control myself. Never. - he says so softly that I feel a tear sliding down my cheek, and I let out a shaky, relieved breath. I didn't even know I was so terrified of that answer. You should. - I whisper. Never. - he says it again more firmly this time. - If we are starting to ask honest questions, I have one too. - its his time to take a deep breath. - Did I push you? Do you regret that night? - he sounds so broken, that it's physically painful not to comfort him with my touch.No, no, Jake. You didn't push me, I was very willing... and I ... I enjoyed every minute of it. It was an amazing night, that's not the problem. - I panic for a minute, because I shouldn't have said that, but the relieved sigh on the other side of the line makes it worth it. Then why did you leave? - that broken tone again. I had to. - I whisper.Why? I can't be in a relationship with you. And trust me, it's not because there is something wrong with you. You are perfect. But my life is... complicated. Let's uncomplicate it then. It doesn't work like that. - I snort. You are afraid. - I still, and concentrate on my breathing before he realizes how right he is. - I wish you would just share those fears with me... I want to battle them with you. And that makes you even more perfect. - I whisper quietly. Give me a chance then.. give us a chance. - the love and desperation in his voice hits me in the chest. I can't. - I choke, and the tears are running more freely now. - Jake... it's.. I... shit. - I take a deep breath to gather myself, and the only sound I hear on the other line is his heavy breathing. I want you in my life. But only as a friend. You said you would be whatever I need you to be. - I hate myself as I finish this sentence, using his words against him. There is a long silence before he answers. I will be your friend then.

I have battled with myself in the first days after that phone call. I've tried my best to keep some distance... but whatever this imprint bond causes, I think about him all the time. And I don't stop myself anymore when I want to talk or text him. We are friends after all, friends can talk.

Three weeks goes by, and we slowly go back to the way things were before. Before that night at least... We talk everyday, we text during the day. I am able to talk to him about everything and he does the same. Except that night we shared together. We never talk about that again.

I also talk a lot with my new (or old) vampire family. They have been very persistent. After the concert with my parents, they have tried to visit me more, and I even had dinner with Rosalie and Emmett who came to visit three days ago. It was a bit weird, since I was the only one who actually ate, but they were extremely nice, and I am slowly starting to get used to them.