Betrayal

Pain In silence

"The darkness still haunts me, a chilling memory that refuses to fade. The night's events are etched in my mind like a scar,  a constant reminder of the horror l endured.
I was just eleven, a helpless child at the mercy of a monster. My cries for help were met with cold, calculating eyes,  a smile that seemed to revel in my suffering.  My small body trembled, my life slipping away, yet he stood by unmoved.
The questions still linger, taunting me like a ghostly whisper. What had l done to deserve such cruelty?  My mother blinded by love and trust, she had welcomed him into our lives. "he is my other half ," she did say ,unaware  of the evil that lurked beneath. And then in an instant, he transformed into a demon leaving me shattered and my mother.... Oh my mother!
My heart remains heavy, torn between love and hate. The secrets l keep are suffocating me,  the weight of what l did years ago still haunting me. I thought it would bring me peace but it only fuelled the fire of my anger and guilt. I'm trapped in this darkness, unable to escape, and l am determined to carry this burden to my grave if that's what it takes to protect what l have remained with.
I know am forever trapped in a web of guilt and deceit, my secrets are my shackles, weighing me down for perhaps l am a soul forever lost to the darkness. My mind was consumed by a singular thought :hatred...blinding, all consuming hatred. I couldn't hide it, unlike my mother who wore a mask of sweetness, l was the opposite.. tough and unyielding asking myself why he always chose him over me.
Until now, years gone by but the questions still haunts me : why did he have to chose Andre, was l not his daughter that he hated me so much ? And my mother.. what had she done to deserve all the agony she went through?
It did not start that night though it was the darkest, me and my mother had lived all our lives in horror. She was my rock and my everything yet he destroyed it all.
I'm left with only memories, tainted by the horror of that fateful night. I thought everything was over and l had finally turned a new leaf  but what happened to me five years ago,  only brought everything back to life.

Everyone says I have lost my mind but they are wrong . It's true I had promised to revenge her death but I'm afraid, how I'm going to do it now.. perhaps my daughter Kaila is right, I'm not what I used to show, I'm a coward defeated by my own fate. She says am not the mother she knew who was strong and bold and l accept it, for l can no longer fight my fate.
Horror engulfies me whenever I shut my eyes , as my childhood memories come flooding in  mind and everything else. l shiver and cry in my sleep as the night mares keep me company all night long . Everyone is a stranger to me now, I don't know who to trust anymore, not even myself. Perhaps locking up myself in this bedroom and curling up under this bed will protect me from him... the monster who took away everything from me.

Screaming is the only way to keep his shadow figure away from coming up to me. Once I see him, his evil hands trying to reach up to me under the bed, I cry and scream before my mother comes and he disappears. I wish she could stay and embrace me like how she used to do whenever he  frogged or nagged me but unfortunately, she too disappears with him. My child says am losing my mind and that explains why the last time she came into my bedroom with certain strangers to check my mental health. Seeing how she acts around the house, I'm certain she took over me and that alone worries me so much. I did give everything to raise her decently with a normal childhood which I wasn't able to get myself but unfortunately, things always do not go our way. I'm glad that at least l taught her how to fight against anyone and everyone and after what happened, my only wish is for her to love and trust no one for l would not love to see her go through what I did.
It hurts to see how she too thinks I'm becoming crazy.

Thank heavens, they couldn't find my hiding places. I'm sure it's him who wants to kill me too. There's no way I can tell anyone to avoid him, who would believe a crazy old woman with no evidence.
He would do anything to get what he wants like how he had disguised himself as a medical person  when I was giving birth to.. to... no, she's is not my child. No! no! no!

Right now, I can hear the ladies of the house knocking at my door, they want me to open because they think I'm going crazy again. I can't open for them, they might be with him ready to kill me but l will never allow him to touch me. I know they might try to break in like last time but, shame! shame! They won't be able to find me for no one knows about my closet hide out. Though not sure why but l feel the urge of laughing out loud but l am afraid, they might hear me from here so l choose to just giggle as l push myself deeper into the closet for l bet never will they find me, especially him . "