Betrayal

In the dark

"My mother, the woman I'd gladly give my life for, has been trapped in a world of pain for five long years. The loss of my father and sister Mariah has left her shattered, and I am determined to bring back the happiness she once knew. I remember the days when our family was full of life, love, and laughter, but fate had other plans. For the last five years, she has had to endure the pain of not only losing her husband but as well as our eldest sister, Mariah. She was her most beloved _It's true, it used to hurt but had grown to accept it. Everyone seemed to like her more, she had the strength , beauty and the brains. Sometimes l found myself working harder to get our parents' attention whenever she was around and even though we fought often, our bond was unbreakable and her death left a gaping hole in my heart.

But my mother's despair has become a heavy burden for me to carry alone. She has lost her spark, her smile, and her strength. All she's left with is tears, pain, and a longing for the past yet it's her who taught me to be strong, to take whatever belonged to me even if it didn't but as long as l wanted it, l had the right to grab it. She taught me that there's no place in this world for the weak but it seems all that died in her with the death of my father and Mariah, our eldest sister.

In my whole life, I had never seen her shed a tear or show weakness even when everything was going wrong, her smile never left her beautiful face but now, all she does is locking up herself in the bedroom and cry herself to sleep. For the last two weeks, all she has done is to drink, cry and waste herself out. I doubt if she still remembers that she has more two daughters that need her. I'm torn between my love for her and my anger toward my younger sister Kara, who I blame for our family's misfortunes. I know its not rational, but I cant help feeling that Kara's birth brought nothing but darkness into our lives.
Mother says her birth only brought her darkness and I guess this explains why her room is ever clothed in darkness.
I know it's ironic but l have grown to believe it too. Perhaps if she wasn't born, my family would still be whole and happy but all I have known ever since she was born is misery.

Sometimes, I try to hide my anger but I'm really not so good at pretence so I just pour it out on her. Everyone thinks I'm too evil for my age but I really don't care that's who I am and they shouldn't expect me to change sooner or later. I remember how everyone gasped in surprise on seeing me clothed in white on my thirteenth birthday believing l was too evil for it perhaps they were right, l was not as pure as my eldest sister but the fact that l was turning thirteen, deep inside l wished to be like her.

As I navigate this complex web of emotions, I'm forced to confront my own darkness. I have come to accept that I'm not the "angelic" type, and that's okay. I have learned to embrace my flaws and be true to myself , even if it means being the 'evil' one.

It's true, I had never felt so lonely in my entire life like that dark night of my thirteenth birthday. For my dad would have embraced and kissed me , not forgetting to shower me with expensive gifts as on my tenth birthday he had served me breakfast in bed and sung his favourite song he had composed together with mom just for me.... I had cried and kissed them both and Mariah had given me her golden bracelet she had been gifted on her sixteenth birthday by our aunt. That night, we had cried and promised never to fight again.

But everything had changed in the blink of an eye, it was like an evil spell had been cast onto my then perfect family. I knew dressing in a snow white dazzling dress was not the best idea but deep inside, l yearned for the warmth and happiness l once felt in my life. I needed to see my mother's warm smile and taste her favourite dishes. On that day, I had waited for her to come down from her bedroom and join in the celebration in vain.
" What's the use birthdays if our days are full of sorrow? I just want to die..... please leave me alone." my mother had shouted back at me amidst tears on asking her why she had not join me for the birthday celebrations.
Seeing what she was going through, it broke my heart and swore never to celebrate anymore birthdays in my entire life. I realised I didn't need to pretend to be someone I'm not. I have made peace with my imperfections, and am determined to make my mother proud, even if it means being the strong one for both of us and when someone calls me ugly and evil, I'm pleased for perhaps that's who I am after all, for unless one is blind, who can refer to a girl with a scarred face as beautiful or more so an angel?!

As I lock myself in my bedroom, the mirror reflects a haunting reminder: the scar on my right cheek. It's a constant trigger, igniting a firestorm of rage and a thirst for revenge that keeps me up most nights. Five years have passed, but the memories remain fresh, taunting me like an open wound. The nightmares still haunt me , transporting me back to that fateful day. I have learned to channel my fears into strength, but the pain and hatred linger.

Oh , how l wish l could erase the knowledge that fuels my anger, perhaps then, the hatred l harbor towards those responsible would be nothing more than a distant memory. Join me on this journey as I unravel the tangled threads of my family's past, confront my inner demons, and fight to restore happiness to the one person who matters most_ my mother."