Heart and Track

-1-

☆꧁༒Louisa May Pearl༒꧂☆

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"Dad, you've been to Rehab three times already this year, but you're still back at it again. Please think about us. Lily is still in high school, and mom, she needs you." I said this to my dad when I saw him taking those pills like candy.

"They have you. That's what the firstborn is for."

"I want to live my life too, dad. I've been taking care of Lily and Mom since I was in high school. Why can't you be sober? Go find a job, or maybe help me save the gallery." I asked him out of frustration.

"Shit! You dropped my pills! Pick them up, you ungrateful bitch!" He pushes me to the floor to pick up his stupid pills. "We should get rid of you while you are in your mother's womb! It's such a waste of money to take care of you both," he said, and my tears already filled my eyes.

"You know, this ungrateful bitch is the one who gives you money! If it's not me, you won't even get to buy those fucking pills!" I got up and shouted at him. The next thing I know, my right cheek feels warm.

He slapped me.

My father slapped me.

I was stunned enough to speak, even though this is not the first time he has done this to me. Every time he hits me, I will be too stunned to do anything. My cheek hurt, and I bet it is going to leave a mark tomorrow. "Pick up those pills and give me some money." He said he was acting like everything was just fine. I look at him in disbelief and leave the house. I don't know how much longer I need to stay in that house. I need a new life, but my situation right now is not good. I just start the car and go to my gallery. It is my mom's, but since she's not in her right mind now, I'm the one who handles it. This gallery has been my second house since I was 20 years old. It's been three years now. Time flies by so quickly.

The gallery has not been good because my mom left it with too many debts. I am struggling to pay off the debt and also provide for my family. Life has been so tough, but for my one and only little sister, Lilly, I will do my best to make sure I have enough money to send her off to college and pursue her dreams.

I guess my life will be like this forever. Maybe dad was right; this is my responsibility as the firstborn. I could just sell this gallery, but my heart is in here. This is my safe space. 

My name is Louisa May Pearl. The only thing I am thankful for is my name. I love my name. I guess that's the only thing my parents do. Giving me a pretty name. I am 23 years old and currently working as an artist in my mom's gallery. I usually spend my time just painting or thinking about how to pay the debt.

My dad. He has an addiction problem. He couldn't cope with his life and let those pills control it. I know I shouldn't give him the money, and I tried that, but he ended up hitting me or my sister. I hate when he does that. That's why I just gave him the money.

On the other hand, my mother was an amazing artist, but she has had a mental health issue since my grandma died three years ago. She was not the same person anymore. We bring her to the psychiatric hospital for treatment, but she is not getting better at all. It seems like she didn't want to get better. My mom was the only daughter and really close to my grandmother. That's why she's been like that since her mom passed away. We cannot keep her at the psychiatric hospital for too long because the bills are piling up, and we used my grandmother's money to pay them and save for ourselves too. I have to lock her in the room because she keeps wanting to kill herself. I couldn't do anything but lock her in the safe room and let her out if I or Lily were at home.