If Only

Chapter 4

I really wish I could be one of those girls that obtained joy from group activities. I wish I genuinely had a desire to join Charlotte's Winter Dance Committee. I wish I derived real happiness from making streamers, banners, even making new friends. I could sit on the rickety dented school chairs, in the echoed school hall beside my peers with a big smile on my face while we all bedazzle together. I would love to get lost in the silly, entertaining dramas of scandal such as Josh and David asking the same girl to the dance.

I wish I could, but I can't. It's just not me.

When I look at Charlotte, I see a girl that throws herself at every fake tanned, armpit shaved boy on the football team. I wonder which parent royally fucked her up to give her such attachment issues.

I do listen to the silly, entertaining, gossip of Josh and David that has been floating around the school but I can only think what idiots they are. They can't see that a girl that would play them against each other will clearly never actually care about either of them. Why are they persistent in making such stupid choices?

I am a cynic and it annoys me to no end when people seem to delude themselves into thinking it all matters.

So instead of smiling without a thought in my head with some new girl friends and glitter, I am sitting outside, in the cold, listening to a folk band, trying my damndest to study. Sad I know.

To make matters worse; I am failing to study because I am unable to get Ms Bradley's face out of my head.

Yes, I am aware I am a hypocrite.

This is something I have only discovered recently about myself. I am just as deluded and stupid as any of my peers that I used to judge. 

I am in such a bad mood today.

The bell rings signalling the end of lunch. I quickly get to my locker and then to PE. Today we are beginning a few weeks of Athletics which will include running so I should at least enjoy it.

I do not enjoy any activity involving a ball.

I quickly get to the changing room and change into a pair of black running shorts and running top. Amy or Ross are not in this class so I just have some brief friendly words with familiar faces as we make our way out into the gym.

As we walk over the outer running track and into the middle of the large space I silently greet the space like an old friend. I was here most mornings after all.

The school's two PE teachers are waiting for us as well as the other six form PE class. Something is clearly going on.

Mr Richards claps his hands together to get the large group's attention. "Alright everyone! Mrs Sable and I have decided to make things a bit interesting for your PE class this evening. As you know the Olympics is coming up this year and we wanted to celebrate but doing something different for our athletics course". Mr Richards is a very fit man, tall, with a bald head and a moustache.

Standing beside him is a beaming Ms Sable who is my usual PE teacher. She is tall with blond hair and an athletic build. She speaks next, projecting her voice around the room. She plays rugby in the local team as the Scrum Half. You can tell she's used to shouting orders. "You will be split up into teams with either Mr Richards" she pauses, chuckles and then adds " and to stop us getting two competitive, we have the lovely Ms Blake here as referee".

As she gestures to the right I see a brunette head of hair rise from where she was sitting on a bench hidden behind the crowd. She walks towards the two teachers and the students part for her like the Red Sea.  She's wearing heels, of course she's wearing heels. When does she not wear heels? Come to think of it, I have never seen her without heels.