The Help

Chapter 9

Do you know that feeling when somebody says something...off, for lack of a better word, in the midst of a conversation? And you don't actually realise the severity of what they've said until you've had the time to reflect on the conversation yourself?

Also, by the time that you want to address whatever it is that they said, the conversation is as gone as dandelion leaves in the wind.
It's too late to bring it back up, and you're forced to get over it and move on.

That's how my conversation with Deon felt as I mentally replayed it, getting off of the bus and skipping every crack on the sidewalk as I went about my day.

What did Deon mean by, "It's not my place to speak about this. You should probably talk to Priya."?

Like, literally, what the fuck did that mean?

My mind so badly wanted to believe that his tone was just weird, because he's weird.
And that all that he meant, was that he didn't want to get in the middle of Priya and I's business, and I should just talk to her about her new little friend myself.

My gut, however, told me otherwise.

I couldn't ignore my gut feeling.
The feeling that made my throat burn, stomach ache and eyes well up with tears.
Not because I was sad, but because I was feeling so many emotions at once.

Who was "Coy"?
Jeez, Priya even gave her a cutesy nickname.

My heart felt like it was dropping from my chest, into my stomach, to basically six feet under.

Who was my person so interested in and fascinated by, besides me?
Jealousy and insecurity overwhelmed my body.

The same feeling that I had when I tried on the dress found it's way back to the front of my mind.

Maybe I'm just not good enough.

I ran my hand through my shaggy hair to get it out of my eyes, as I always do.
I sniffed, and tried to blink back my tears that were threatening to fall.

I couldn't describe the way that my heart twisted and turned, signalling me that something was just so wrong.
Not externally, but emotionally.

I felt so uneasy, so uncomfortable in my own body that felt like it was warning me against supposedly nothing.

I literally knew nothing about Sequioa.
I had no reason to be jealous or threatened by her, and yet I was.

In that moment, I decided that I should talk to Priya about everything. Rightfully so.

If I wanted to hold onto the healthy relationship that we currently had, instead of gripping and clawing at it, I had to communicate with her.

The marijuana that I had smoked earlier made my body feel heavy, and very tired.
I made the mistake of smoking cheap shit.

Smoking anything cheap almost always resulted in me feeling more anxious than usual, but I couldn't blow my cash on anything pricey since I needed the money for Priya's birthday.
I was still the midst of getting my bank account health back to normal.

I stopped walking, finding myself at one of the entry roads into my brothers neighbourhood. A big, vandalised road sign that displayed the neighbourhood name glared back at me.

Little Valley.

I sighed inwardly, preparing myself for the less-than-safe journey ahead.

All of the buildings appeared beat down and simply terrible, many of them even being abandoned.
It looked like a breeding ground for all sorts of poverty, poor life choices and generational curses.