am i making you feel sick? - minishaw

thinking back to what i was always told.

they arranged to meet john in a cafe near his house a few days later. simon kept his mind busy over those days by planning the sidemen video. it was a simple one, just a mukbang. something easy to start up again, but by god was it going to be the greatest mukbang the world had ever seen.

simon had finished making plans for the video a mere few hours in, but he needed to keep going. he needed to do something. so more caterers were added, he started emailing multiple larger locations hoping for the back and fourth of an email chain, and eventually harry had to wheel his chair away from his pc and dumped him out of it to eat.

harry had been busying himself too. he'd taken to cleaning the flat whilst simon fussed over the video. it didn't need cleaning, simon had a cleaner, but harry like the repetitiveness of it so simon simply let him be. he did manage to lift a ring left by a mug from simon's coffee table that had been there for years which was impressive, simon had thanked him with a peck on the cheek and disappeared again.

when the morning of the day they'd meet with john finally came, simon sat at the kitchen island and watched harry make tea. simon often found himself watching his boyfriend do simple tasks, it was comforting in a way. simon would watch harry do anything. harry caught him staring when he turned around with the finished teas and simon redirected his gaze to the counter in front of him, making harry smile.

'is this a good idea?' simon changed the subject, he wasn't sure that talking to john about this was the best idea he'd ever had. harry leant over the island and placed his tea down.

'you can still back out.' harry shrugged. simon knew he didn't really care much for it either way, he was just there to support simon. he appreciated it. 'just go so you can stop thinking about it, i'm not sure how much more food this mukbang can fit.'

simon laughed and nodded his head. 'yeah, i guess.'

simon walked into the little cafe, harry following just behind him. john was sat at a table already, drinks ordered. simon froze a little in the doorway, still wondering how good of an idea this was. harry shoved him forward and whispered 'too late to back out now.' in his ear as he placed a hand on his waist to move past him. john looked up and waved at them, he looked ill.

'alright mate?' harry greeted him with a nod and sat down across from the empty chair so that simon could ask his questions directly. john nodded back with a tight smile in response to harry and offered the same to simon as a greeting. simon replied with a similar nod.

'thanks for this.' simon waved at the drinks. 'and for, well, talking to me- us about this.' harry, for once, was not the most uncomfortable person at the table. john nodded and avoided eye content.

'it's good to see you.' he finally met simon's eyes and simon could tell that john hadn't been doing well. obviously he hadn't, he'd found a dead man, a friend. but he looked pale. bags hung heavy under his eyes, eyes that had no trace of their usual sparkle. simon couldn't bring himself to say it was good to see him too, because he didn't want to see his friend like this, so he nodded and tried to get through what he came here for. he took a gulp of his drink.

'look... umm.' simon rubbed his hands together slowly and considered running out of the cafe. 'umm-' he tried to get the words out but couldn't. he looked at john's expectant face and started to nervously pick at his nails. harry took simon's hand into his to stop him from picking and gave it a squeeze. simon took a deep breath. 'do you think the police were right... about- i mean... do you think they should be investigating?'

'what makes you think that?' john replied after a moment, face confused and tone a little harsh. simon regretted asking.

'i'm- i didn't mean- i'm sorry-' he tried to get an apology out but john cut him off.